Behind Blue Eyes
by soshesays
Summary: Fitz returns to the team after being captured and tortured by HYRDA. But the person you get back isn't always the one you lost. And what did HYDRA want with Fitz in the first place? Lots of Fitzsimmons angst.
1. Torture

Fitz groaned as he came to, slowly opening his eyes... The last thing he remembered was being clobbered in the head with the end of a gun. _Coulson. May. Did they get out?_ He looked around at his surrounding before struggling against the restraints on his arms. He was tied to a chair by his wrists and ankles, and was in some sort of den. _A basement perhaps? Underground?_ It wasn't long before all the pain hit him. The pounding headache. The pain in his torso. He looked down and he inhaled sharply. _Damnit._ His top was stained with a patch of dark red. Blood, he assumed.

He didn't have much time to get his bearings when the door came flying open. "Good, you're awake!" Garret burst into the room, an evil smirk on his face.

"Now let's get down to business. I like you son." Garrett said as he walked closer. "You're a smart kid, just think of all the cool things we could create together! You know... you'd hold a very high rank on our tech division if you agree to join us. If not, you'd have no rank and a lot of pain."

Garrett stood behind Fitz, placing his hands on his shoulders, giving him a reassuring squeeze. "Of course, either way, your services will be required."

Fitz flinched at his touch. "You're gonna suffer for what you've done" tears trickling down his face "And I... I plan on being a very big part of that."

Garrett laughed, giving Fitz a big pat on his back. "Oh, you're going to play a big part alright! But I've got something else in mind."

Garrett left the room, coming back shortly after with a trolley "Well, since you made your choice. Pain it is."

And that was when the torture started.

* * *

Fitz kept drifting in and out of consciousness. He felt drowsy, and his headache was worse than ever. He saw a blurred figure in front of him as he opened his eyes. And then he noticed something even worse. _Blood. Everywhere. On the floor. All over his own hands._ Fitz jerked to the side, retching, throwing up what little was left in his system. Fitz was never a fan of blood, or any of the putrid decaying flesh Jemma used to bring into his pristine lab. _Jemma_. His thoughts floated to her for a second before the awful smell brought him back to painful reality.

"Morning beautiful" the blurry figured said. "Ready to get started again?" Garrett pick up a silver wretch from his trolley and swung it at Fitz' leg. He couldn't help but cry out. _It hurt so damn much._

Fitz closed his eyes tight, trying to get his mind to focus on something else besides the pain. Once again feeling the shock searing through his body, Fitz screamed, all his muscles tensing up, as Garrett probed him with the electrical taser. He clenched his teeth together in attempt to stop giving Garrett the satisfaction that he was succeeding. As the pain stopped, Fitz felt his body relax a little but he was panting, his breathing ragged.

Garrett walked closer to Fitz, "ready to comply yet kid?" hitting him across the face, the force throwing Fitz off the chair. Fitz collapsed onto the floor, his head and body throbbing with pain.

Garrett threw a broken device onto the floor. "Fix it." he commanded. "Fix this and we can stop for the day."

"I... I... Screw you." Fitz spat out, his hands trembling as he threw the device back to Garrett. Fitz was on the verge of tears at this point. His voice shaking. Any one could see that he was breaking. Fitz was never trained for any of this. _Coulson and his stupid ideals._ John Garrett had to give it to Coulson though, he picked a fine young man. One of the smartest, most vied for assets from the Academy, and he chose to go work for Coulson. But it didn't matter anymore, Fitz was his now. It was just a matter of finding that tipping point.

Garrett stormed over to Fitz, picking him up by his shirt collar before slamming him back to the ground. Garrett lifted his foot, and pressed down hard on the Fitz' torso wound. "AAAAAAAAH" Fitz screamed out, tears streaming down his face as he struggled to get out from under Garrett's weight. The pain was so blinding that he cried out again, only to be aggressively shut up by Garrett's forceful hand over his mouth. Garrett stared straight into Fitz' eyes. He could see the fear. Fitz was cracking.

"Now you listen to me you little bitch. No one's here to help you. Daddy's not coming to save you. You think you're so strong fighting me on this? There's other ways to make you comply Agent Fitz." Garrett whispered quietly into Fitz' ear before he slammed his head against the floor.

Everything went black.

* * *

 _Dun dun dun! Short chapter, I know! But hopefully I'll be back with something soon :) Hope you enjoyed it! Reviews, as always are appreciated. Let me know what you think of the story so far and/or what you think might happen next!_


	2. Other Ways

"Get up." Garrett commanded, kicking the trembling Fitz in the gut.

Fitz struggled to get to his feet. His arms shook, as he tried to push himself up, his body betraying him as his arm collapsed against his weight. He tried to move again, but his limbs were unresponsive. He could catch bits and pieces of people talking, swearing. Garrett yelling at the guards to do something.

All of sudden he was being dragged upright. Fitz swayed dangerously. His body and mind breaking down out of sheer exhaustion.

It had been several days of constant pain. Every part of his body hurt. It felt so cold. He was freezing. Fitz had done the math in his head before. If he were to lose any more blood, he would go into hypovolemic shock.

Fingers went through his hair, hands violently shoving his head up so that he would come face to face with the man in front of him.

Fitz blinked slowly, his vision blurred with the lights spinning wildly.

"I'll ask you again boy. Fix it." Garrett said, patting Fitz on the face twice. Garrett gestured towards the broken device on the floor. Fitz wanted to scream but all he managed was a whimper. " _Fuck you."_

Before he knew it, Garrett's grip around his neck tightened, squeezing all the air out of him painfully. Fitz started to panic, his hands flailing, pushing against Garrett strong arms, fighting to get another breath of air into his body.

"Don't you dare tempt me, son" Garrett said as he released him.

Fitz collapsed, only to be abruptly hauled up by Garrett and punched hard in the face.

"I'll ask you again. Fix it!" Garrett screamed. Over and over Garrett punched Fitz in the face, causing blood to gush out of his nose. Garrett released his hold on Fitz and kicked him in the chest, sending Fitz falling face first to the floor again.

It was a miracle that Fitz was still conscious at this point. Garrett remained silent and still, the only sound in the room was the ragged breathing of Fitz. But Fitz was struggling, his eyes shut tightly as he gripped his head in pain.

 _Screams._

All Fitz could hear were the screams of a girl. Everything came hitting him at once. A dead body in front of him, his hands soaked in blood.

"Stop! Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!" Fitz clutched his ears, trying to stop the deafening sound, but to no avail. The screams only got louder as Fitz started sobbing. Garrett, for once, in what seemed a nice gesture, bent down to Fitz' level and lifted his head up gently.

"Concentrate on something else." shoving the broken device in Fitz' hand. "You want the pain to stop? Focus on this. It's second nature to you." Fitz looked up, eyes wild as his body shook.

In desperation, Fitz stumbled forward, wincing as he readjusted his body into a sitting position against the wall. Fitz clenched his fist, fighting the searing pain, his other hand gripping the broken device.

He's shaking. He just wants the cursed noise to stop. He can't take it anymore. His hands tremble as his fingers roam across the device, studying it, begging his mind to switch gears, so that the pain can just go away.

" ...What are you doing?" Fitz stammers, as he sees Garrett removing his belt. Suddenly he's afraid again.

Garrett moves towards Fitz and lowers himself, looping the belt under Fitz' arm, high up on his biceps before he begins to fasten it down tightly. Fitz struggles, pulling away weakly.

He backs further into the wall when he sees Garrett pull out a syringe and a glass vial of liquid. His next words are almost inaudible. "I... I don't want that... please no" he whispers. The look on his face is a mix of hurt, fear and want.

"It'll help. It'll stop the pain" was all Garrett said, as he reached forward tightening the belt further.

Fitz takes a turn for the worse. He's no longer fighting, he's now crying, begging. His entire demeanour has changed from aggressive to passive. Lines of fatigue and exhaustion are apparent on his face, every bit of torture grinding away at his brave front.

"Nn-no. I-I don't want it" Fitz begged, crying as he instinctively tried to pull his hand back to his chest.

Garrett reached for his arm, tugging at it gently, but forcefully back out, as he drew the contents of the vial into the syringe.

"No. No no. I-I I caa can't. Y-you can't mmake me" Fitz cried out, as Garrett placed the needle against his skin and pushed down on the plunger. "Pleas- ple..." Fitz sobbed, as he felt the needle prick his skin. He shook his head, trying to fight the drug but his eyelids felt heavy. Beads of sweat started to form on his forehead before his head fell backwards, a wave of peace settling over him. Fitz closed his eyes, his eyes rolling back as his consciousness started to fade away until there was nothing but darkness.

 _No screams. No pain. No fear. Nothing._

* * *

Fitz wasn't sure where he was. It looked very sterile. A lab perhaps? But it wasn't his. He could hear voices laughing. Two voices, a male and a female. Suddenly the voices got louder.

 _"Fitz! It was only once!" the girl laughed, sounding slightly annoyed._

 _"He has a low body fat percentage and his face is nice and symmetrical! I had to give him at least one chance"_

 _The boy groaned "He's boring. Admit it. Why would he ever ask you out?"_

 _"Though it may be news to you Fitz, I'm not exactly an ugly duckling!" she scoffed,_ _"being a new young prodigy with an above average fashion sense draws attention from the opposite gender!"_

 _"But Jemma! I'M a young prodigy too! And people just think I'm weird!" the boy exclaimed._

 _Jemma started laughing. "Oh Fitz. They just need to take the time to get to know you!", she said as she gently placed her hand on his shoulder giving him a reassuring squeeze. "Besides, I don't find anyone all that interesting except you! You're clearly the smartest one here."_

 _"I am?" a small smile appearing on the boy's face._

 _"Well, you're 23 days older so... technically, I am the youngest." Jemma smiled, as she sneakily added in "...and since Agent Weaver said that there were two young prodigies, I think it's safe to say that I'm the smarter one, being younger and all that!" she playfully poked him in the stomach with a grin on her face before running out of the lab, taunting him to chase her._

 _"Hey! That's not fair!" he gets up to run after her, but clumsily trips on the chair in front of him. His hands stretch out to break his fall, but he's too slow, his face colliding with the floor first with a loud thud._

 _"Fitz!" he hears her scream before..._

Darkness.

Fitz groaned as he began to come to. His vision was still hazy, and he felt light headed. It was all still a bit of a blur, the voices. The girl and the boy. The buzzing in his ears was louder than ever. His vision was becoming clearer, as he looked down at his feet. A device shining brightly buzzing on the ground, beeping every so often. A figure started to form in front of his eyes.

"I knew you had it in you kid." Garrett said, as he kneeled beside Fitz, pulling his sleeves back up his arms.

Everything was jumbled together. Fitz just stared at the guy in front of him, confusion in his eyes, unaware of what was happening.

"Y-you... I..I-I.. wh-what?" it was hard for Fitz to concentrate. He felt thirsty. Tired. He wanted to sleep.

"I...i-i need.." as if on instinct, he reached out to grab Garrett's arm, knocking out the glass vial Garrett was holding in his hand.

Garrett held Fitz' hands down, putting the belt back around his arm.

Fitz struggled against Garrett's hold "No.. not that.. stop"

Garrett submerged the syringe back into the vial, drawing up liquid once again, flicking it to get all the air bubbles out.

"Ss-stop, d-don't do this." Fitz said desperately as he tried to pull away from Garrett.

There's a look of panic on Fitz' face again. "Ssssh. Tell me. Doesn't it make you feel better?" Fitz shakes his head slightly, his lips quivering as he looked down at the syringe. He wanted to shout no, to push Garrett away but he just sat there, trembling as Garrett pushed down on the syringe once again.

Fitz gasped as a familiar wave of bliss washed over him. This time, he's shaking slightly as he hits an all time high. He feels... _better_.

In a distance, Fitz hears the quiet whispers of something before he gives in to the euphoria _"There's always other ways to make you comply Agent Fitz..."_

Everyone breaks.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** As usual, please leave a review! Throw any feedback, ideas or thoughts my way :) I'd love to hear what you think!


	3. Shaken

"Coouuulson!" Garrett's voice echoed throughout the Bus. "You're going to want to hear what I have to say. You've got something I want and I think you're going to be interested in what I have for you. Come on, old friend... you gotta come out sometime!"

All eyes were on the screen watching the scene outside the Bus unfold as Garrett walked out of his helijet yelling his demands. It was only a few days ago that HYDRA had taken over both the Hub and the Fridge, leaving S.H.I.E.L.D in pieces. Coulson's team was exactly that – in shambles, scrambling to piece back what once was a highly functional team. It wasn't until Jemma gasped, did the team realize how badly they had been hit and how much worse it was about to become.

 _Fitz_.

 _They had Fitz_.

Tears streamed down Jemma's face as she saw Fitz's tiny body move across the screen, shoved as he dragged his feet across the sand, bloodied shirt, cracked lip and all. He looked defeated. _Oh how scared he must have been_. It was like all life was sucked out of him. His eyes, his beautiful blue eyes, just seemed... dead.

"WHY AREN'T YOU DOING SOMETHING!" Jemma screamed, a look of terror on her face. Coulson was never one to leave a man behind, but he didn't want to let Garrett win. Not after everything. He had to find a way, a way to get Fitz back and not give up the most viable source of intel they had on HYDRA's plans. He couldn't help but blame himself for what had happened in the Hub when Garrett and HYDRA had them cornered in the basement. It was too late by the time Victoria Hand and her team stormed the room. Coulson and May had been outnumbered, and Garrett had made the slip with his men, taking a knocked out Fitz along with them. _Fitz_. Coulson couldn't help but think about how things might have been different for the poor boy had he simply agreed to join HYDRA's ranks. Not that he wasn't proud of how brave Fitz had been for staying loyal, but he couldn't help but wonder based on how things had turned out now. Fitz wasn't meant for torture, he wasn't trained to endure that much pain, that young boy had never even passed his field test! Agent Coulson questioned his own decisions - had he been too caught up in his own plans that he let two kid scientists into the field? This was all his fault.

And Garrett knew exactly what kind of man Coulson was. They had trained together, treated each other like brothers. He know how things would play out and he wasn't a patient man. It was time to speed things along. "Your time's ticking Phil! Now, what do you say we make this MORE FUN? I'll give you some incentive to give me what I want." He reached into his leather jacket, pulling out a syringe of some sort before abruptly stabbing it at the side of Fitz' neck.

And in one swift movement, Fitz' eyes rolled back as he collapsed to the ground. His limbs and body shaking violently, white froth forming at his mouth. Garett kicked him over, taunting Phil "I DON'T THINK YOU WANT YOUR GOLDEN BOY OVER HERE TO DIE LIKE THIS DO YOU!?" as he approached the Bus confidently, knowing that he would be getting what he wanted come hell or high water.

Before any one could react, Jemma raced to the cargo bay, pressing every damn button on her way trying to get the doors of the Bus open so that she could run to Fitz. She didn't care about anything else. She just needed to get to him. That's where she belonged. Beside him, the whole damn time. Jemma had almost made it when she got pulled back to the ground by a pair of strong arms. "Let me go! LET ME GO LET ME GO!" Jemma screamed, as May grabbed her, refusing to let her run out there without any kind of plan. "Please, no... Fitz needs me..." Jemma begged between tears.

But the surprise came when everyone saw Phil walking out of the Bus with the one thing Garrett wanted. Ward. Coulson was trading Ward for Fitz. "Here John, you can have this son of a bitch!" Phil pushed Ward towards John and his army of men. "I swear we're going to get you. You're not getting away with this John. I'm going to find you and put an end to all of this." Phil said as he aggressively handed Ward to John Garrett. "And don't you think I'm going to forget what you did to this team Ward." Garrett laughed, as he grabbed Ward and quickly made his exit. This wasn't even close to over. John Garrett, had a big plan and much of it was possible thanks to that genius he got his hands on.

"Oh, and Phil? Thanks for lending me your engineer! He built some good old toys we LOVE. Good luck with that one!"

...

 _Fitz_. He was talking about Fitz. She could see his body unintentionally kick up a cloud of sand from afar, as his body jerked and thrashed about on the ground.

It was as if she was running for forever. "Fitz! No no no no Fitz wake up!" Jemma screamed. She shook him harder, trying to snap him out of his seizure, but it was of no use. She was holding emptiness in her arms. By the time Coulson reached them, he realized how desperate the scene in front of him was. Jemma, frozen in a spot, as if she didn't have the slightest bit of medical knowledge. Sitting on the ground, sobbing, as Fitz' body shook uncontrollably in her arms.

*Slap*

She's stunned for the moment, by the pain of the slap, before she comes to her senses and hears Coulson yelling, "I'm only going to tell you this once Jemma. You. Med-bay. Now. Get it together. GO!"

And they're all running. She knew she had to figure it out. How to help Fitz. "Jemma, if there's one person that can help him here, it's you." Coulson said as he tried to restrain the thrashing Fitz onto the medical bed. Jemma rushed out of the room, rummaging through her medical supplies before running back into the room with a syringe in her hand.

She was shaking, tears slipping down her face as she looked down at her best friend. "Let me." May's fingers guiding Jemma's hand towards Fitz, as she held him still with her other hand. Jemma held her breath until she saw that the shaking started to subside. Everyone let out a sigh.

That was until Simmons noticed that Fitz was still, perhaps too still.


	4. Broken

Jemma had never been more terrified. She quickly wiped away the tears streaming down her face, hoping no one would notice as she stared at the sleeping boy in the med bay. He was much thinner than she remembered. He looked fragile. His hair unruly, his curls longer than usual. She felt a tiny bit relieved that he looked somewhat peaceful in his sleep, but she knew as much that it was just the strong effects of the sedative than actual peace.

Jemma couldn't help but tremble as the last few hours replayed in her head.

" _FITZ! No nonono. Come on Fitz. Breathe. Please!" Jemma begged as she pressed her lips firmly onto his, giving him two quick breaths. They had only just gotten Fitz back, and it was like he was only hanging there by a thread. She couldn't lose him, not again. She leaned back, placing her hands over his chest, and pressed hard. Down, up, down up. Counting as she delivered the chest compressions._

 _Everyone was standing there, looking at her, unsure of what to do. Skye in particular, had a look of despair on her face. She was crying, her eyes red as she slowly approached the bed._

 _Jemma ignored her when she called out her name. All she could think about was Fitz._

 _Down, up, down, up. Down- Jemma struggled as a pair of arms engulfed her. She could hear crying, "Jemma- he- is Fitz-"_

" _NO!" Jemma said breaking out of Skye's embrace. "Fitz, fitz, I can't do this by myself. PLEASE!" Jemma choked out, her cries quickly dissolving into sobs. She went back to giving him compressions, harder than ever, and leaned over him, tilting his head back as she put her lips to his mouth. "BREATHE!" she cried._

 _He was still._

 _Jemma collapsed into a ball on the floor, knees to her face as she started breaking down._

" _Jemma we did -" before Coulson could finish, Jemma was back up on her feet again hovering over Fitz. And with an unfounded strength and a look of determination, she grabbed the syringe full of adrenaline and plunged it into his thigh._

 _500 micrograms of epinephrine._

 _"Jemma! What the hell did you just do?" Coulson yelled, two seconds too late to stop her._

 _Fitz shot up, eyes bloodshot, wide and full of fear as the rapid effects of adrenaline rushed through his heart, blood and lungs. And suddenly everyone clicked into action, moving forward, trying to hold down the highly distressed young man as he started puking and jerking away from the crowd._

 _He wasn't sure where he was. He pushed away from the crowd, and stumbled forward until his arms finally reached a wall, giving him the tiny bit of stability to prop himself up to he throw up. There's a mix of blood and bile, but he doesn't stop until he's choking, gagging involuntarily. His stomach contents emptied onto the floor._

 _Jemma sees him lower himself down to the ground, legs kicking out at them as he whimpers "Ggg-ge-get away from me". All she can see is the fear in his eyes. His laboured breathing and his meek attempts to get away... from them. From her._

 _His features register disbelief, and Jemma is quickly reminded of a look she once saw. Desperation. The same look he had when he was screaming her name, begging her not to jump out of the bus._

 _His eyes look up to hers, and she moves towards him. For a second she swears she sees a flick of light in his blue eyes, a moment where he recognized who she was. Her arms extend to embrace him, and she sees his arms reach out but at the very next second, he's crying, screaming, looking bewildered, as he grabs hold of her throat, fingers locked around it, squeezing. She looks at him as her vision goes haywire. Her body is lacking oxygen, but she can see that his eyes are shut tight, his face turned to the side, as if he was afraid to look. She doesn't fight him._

 _It's May that knocks Fitz out with one blow._

 _It takes a few hushed whispers and strong arms, to carry Fitz back onto the med bed. Coulson at this point has taken over, as Jemma stands in the corner, in shock, shivering. He speaks gently to her, asking her for the right dosage of sedatives to administer to Fitz. Fitz just needs some sleep, he explains. Rest, a chance to recover without interruption._

* * *

And that's how she's standing there right now. Outside the glass, as if she needs protection from him, or he needs protection from her.

Fear conditioning, that's what May suspects. She goes over his wounds methodically, almost cold-like, explaining the abuse he most likely went through and the kind of psychical and psychological toll it would take on a person.

Jemma sees the wounds, and her mind automatically assesses them. The estimated blood loss, the blunt force of the weapons used, the pain Fitz must have experienced...

A sound escapes Jemma. It's a combination of a gasp and a cry. She's thinking about her Fitz, the one that's funny, caring, shy but with his own quirks and she can't reconcile it with the battered, broken boy in front of her.

May explains that it's a form of torture that yields inconsistent results. Nightmares, terrors, hallucinations. A trigger of some sort, that targets the part of the brain that houses fear and pain.

An entire day passes before Fitz wakes up. He's lying in the bed, arms strapped down. There's a look of confusion and exhaustion on his face but he isn't struggling as much. His hands fidget continuously against the restraints and he jumps at every sound, but he's not screaming... yet.

Jemma is forbidden to go near him. They're afraid she might trigger something that would cause him panic like before.

Instead, they chose to send in Skye. The least intimidating and the friendliest face, they said.

"Fitz?" she called out softly. His eyes widen in alarm, but they fade to confusion. "It's Skye, remember me?"

"S-skye?" he whispers. Some of the clouds in his head seem to clear. "W-what, where a-am I?"

"Hey!" she smiles with obvious relief. "You're back home, on the bus"

Fitz bites his lip. He looks like he's having a internal debate, as his eyes shift around the place, scanning the surroundings.

"Fitz, I'm going to remove the restraints ok?" Skye said as she carefully moved closer to him. "Promise you won't do anything crazy?" she looks at him for a sign of acknowledgement. "I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to make you comfortable alright?"

Fitz nods slowly. He trembles and lets out a tiny groan when Skye reaches over to undo the restraints, her hands brushing against his arms.

The moment Fitz is free, he tries to run. But to everyone's surprise, Fitz doesn't try to run out of the room. Instead, he's scrambling, backing himself against the wall, as he shrinks to a little self contained ball, hands to his face. There's tears in his eyes as he shivers. Skye approaches him, but he's begging again, hands clutching his head, head bowed, as he cries.

"No, no no no." he's bent down from the pain coming from his head "y-you're not real.. stop it. Go away!"

Skye crouched down beside Fitz, "Hey, hey hey, it's ok. Remember when you patched my hand up and promised you would keep me safe?" gently reaching for his hand as Fitz looked up into her eyes. "It's my turn now ok? It's just you and me."

Jemma was in pain watching Skye wiggle her way into his muddled mind. It wasn't that that progress wasn't good. It was that... it wasn't her in the room. They were best friends, and yet it was Skye in that room. Jemma couldn't help but feel heartbroken. It should have been her in there. She missed him so badly that it hurt.

Fitz was sobbing, but Skye managed to calm him down, his shaking reduced to slight tremors every few seconds. Skye gently reached out to pull him into an embrace. Instead of pulling back, he leaned in for the first time, looking at her face.

He looked like a lost little boy, and it's the kind of hope that Jemma saw in his eyes as he looked at Skye that threw her over the edge. She needed to see him. Be with him.

Without thinking, Jemma rushed out of the observation room, and barged into the med bay.

The next thing he said was barely comprehensible.

"J-j-je-jemma?" Fitz muttered as his face turned white.

* * *

 **Author's note:** At least they have Fitz back right? ;p Thanks for all those that left a review - I really appreciate it :) It motivates me to write more! Not entirely sure where I want to take this story yet... so the next chapter might take a while. Ideas, suggestions are always good! Leave a review please :D


	5. Real or Not Real?

_Without thinking, Jemma rushed out of the observation room and barged into the med bay._

 _The next thing he said was barely comprehensible._

 _"J-j-je-jemma?" Fitz muttered as his face turned white._

* * *

He jumped when he felt a firm hand around his shoulder.

"Fitz? Look at me." Jemma pleaded, clutching his hand as she lifted his chin to look him in the face. "Leo." She whispered. She studied him nervously, noticing that he was still dangerously pale. Gently, she caressed his cheek like she had done plenty of times in the past. "I'm so sorry Fitz." she whispered, her voice cracking as she struggled to hold her tears back. She was on the verge of breaking down. Being this close to him, and yet having him so... The distance between them was unbearable. He was back with her, but the emotional distance in that moment – she hadn't gotten her Fitz back yet.

Her eyes swept over him as she stared at the battered boy in front of her. She desperately wanted to pull him into a huge embrace but pushed that thought away. _No. He wasn't ready for that._ Instead, she carefully kissed the top of his head, her eyes boring into his. All she wanted was to tell him how she felt. That he too, was more than that to her.

But Fitz doesn't respond. At least not in the way Jemma wanted. He was quiet. His eyes registered her presence, and Jemma could tell that he was hearing her and seeing her. But Fitz didn't move – he didn't bask in or seek comfort in the familiarity of her presence. Instead he looked terrified, his breathing speeding in slight increments.

"Ow!" Skye screamed, breaking the silence. Fitz had tightened his grip on her hand.

Skye hadn't meant to disrupt the supposedly intimate moment she was privy to. In fact, it was... kind of awkward. She felt for Jemma, but Fitz was clearly still not in the right mind to have her touch him like that. He did just try to choke her not too long ago.. _What was she thinking?_

"Fitz? Calm down please?" Jemma pleaded, her voice quiet. Fitz remained frozen, his eyes wide and desperate. He was trying so hard to process the situation. Everything was hazy - his memories - he wasn't sure... _Her smile. Her jumping off a plane. Gun shots. A grenade. Water flooding in. Screams. Blood._ He couldn't make sense of all the thoughts in his head. _Did she? How was it possible?_ _No it couldn't._

His blue eyes lock on her. He doesn't fight to get away but stares at her with a look of confusion. "I don't under-" He couldn't finish. It's his voice but there's something new in it. An edge of suspicion and fear. He swallowed hard, the pressure inside his chest threatening to explode into sobs once again. He's uncertain, fumbling around with his hands, panic rising slowly within him. "I-I can't tell what's real. I don't.. I don't know what they did to me. Jemma I can't stop the-" he closed his eyes shut, grimacing in pain, as he struggled to block out the flood of sounds pounding in his ears.

Jemma's voice came out as a soft murmur. "Then you should ask, Fitz. Let me try and help."

He shivered when she placed her hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring squeeze. It was a gesture the two of them had shared over the years, starting from their days at the Academy. It had become second nature to them, their way of being there for each other, without having to say anything. An unspoken promise of support, love, friendship. Instinct took over. Fitz subconsciously reached out to place his hand on top of hers. Tears sprung from his eyes as he looked up to meet hers.

"J-jemma... I'm tired" his voice cracked. His grip on Skye loosened. Skye, sensing the situation had changed, gave Jemma a slight smile. By some miraculous means, Fitz was warming up to her. Skye slowly got up as Jemma lowered herself to the floor next to Fitz. Suddenly his attention was all on her. On Jemma.

He turned to her. "You... you tried to kill yourself. Wa-was that real?"

"I was trying to protect the rest of the team-" Jemma struggled to explain the events of the Chitauri virus, it was still a touchy subject.

"You jumped. Y-you left me." Hurt written all over his face.

"But you saved me. You got me that anti-serum. You were the hero remember?" She said, quickly trying to switch the subject. It wasn't the right time or place to discuss the selfish decision she had made that day. Jemma never did stop to think about how it would have affected Fitz.

"Oh." He seemed unconvinced.

He closed his eyes briefly, maybe attempting to remember the events of that day. He looked exhausted, all the energy snapped from his body.

"I'm never leaving you again Fitz." Slowly, as you would with a wounded animal, Jemma reached out to stroke his cheek gently. She noticed the cuts and bruises on his face, his split lip, a new bruise forming where May had punched him. He winced as her fingers glided over a wound. "I promise."

"I don't feel very good..." he whimpered softly. He leaned on her, letting his head rest on her shoulders as she pressed up next to him.

"You have to fix this." he whispered hoarsely. "Fix me." His voice sounded so broken; tears running down his face.

"I don't know how Fitz." Jemma was at a loss for words. As much as she wanted to, she didn't know exactly how to help him. _What they did to him. What he went through. How could she possibly take away all the pain he had suffered?_

He looked down as her hand reached over for his. She gently grabbed the hand on his leg and Fitz moved quickly to cover her hand with his, fingers intertwined. He looked up at her and as their eyes met, Jemma let a single tear roll down her face. _She would find a way to get her Fitz back._

Jemma lowered her head to her side until it was resting on his. The two of them leaning against each other for support.

"Fitz?" she whispered. She looked into his blue eyes.

We'll do this like we always do. Together."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Thought it was time for some nice Fitzsimmons feels :)


	6. Chapter 6

_Tick, tock, tick tock._

The sound got louder and louder until it resulted in one loud crashing sound.

It was quite annoying to listen to. In a fit of rage, Fitz had grabbed the clock and thrown it against the floor, smashing it into a million pieces.

Someone immediately came rushing in.

"Fitz! What was that noise? Are you ok?"

His sleep was over. Fitz groaned as he started to wake. His senses returning, as he blinked his eyes open, the sudden stream of light blinding him temporarily. Everything was jumbled together – the world was out of focus, and all he heard was some mumble of words.

"Oh, Fitz... Why'd you break this?" Jemma muttered, holding up pieces of the broken clock in her hands.

For some reason, that made Fitz angry. What did she expect? Him to be all happy? Cheerful? Here she was advising him on how to deal with some stupid clock that was too bloody noisy, when he was the engineer.

"What do you know Jemma?" he snapped, regretting it slightly after the words had left his mouth. She was only being concerned, after all.

"There's no need to speak to her like that." May defended. She was standing outside the room, stoic as ever.

Jemma gave a weak smile to May. "It's alright May, Fitz is probably just hungry. Some food might do him some good. Right Fitz?"

"Yea, sure whatever." he sighed, as he reluctantly got out of the bed.

Most of the team had spent the last few days tiptoeing around Fitz. His entire demeanor had changed. There were times where he looked incredibly nervous, and others when he was straight up distant and angry. He snapped at the team a few times – even yelled at Skye once for just moving things on his workspace. It was so bad that it took all of her strength not to cry for the rest of the day. She avoided him that entire day.

There were a few rare moments though where the old Fitz would resurface. Kind. Friendly. Innocent. It was the only reason Coulson had allowed him back into the lab. It seemed like working in there again with Jemma had helped a little. Every now and then he would catch them completing each other's sentences, or a small smile on his face. But those were his good days. Fitz had way more bad days.

* * *

Everyone was just smothering him. Treating him like a child. Talking to him slowly, carefully – every single thing took too damn long. Whether it was a person talking, building a new weapon, fixing the night-night gun, or just waiting for a stupid sandwich to warm up in the microwave. It bothered him, offended him. It didn't matter what – if it was logical, reasonable, something helpful, he'd just want to turn around and punch it – punch them in the face.

Fitz had never been a violent person. He had only raised his gun once – like at The Hub when he killed that...

Fitz ran to the lab, and with a shaky hand, leaned himself against his desk, taking deep breaths in and out. This had been happening frequently. He would be fine one second, and the next he would feel like he was falling apart. That filled him with rage. Fitz was in constant pain. Jemma had given him some spiel about how the average person would take upwards of 6 weeks to heal when fractures were involved but that wasn't even considering the full extent of his injuries. He hated it. His one arm was practically useless, and every slight movement would cause sharp pains. There were black and blue bruises all over his body. And whatever Jemma was giving him wasn't helping. It wasn't enough.

Fitz rubbed his forehead as he paced around the lab, trying to calm his nerves and block out the pangs of pain surging in his body. May and Jemma were in the kitchen. He glanced around nervously. No one else was around. He had to do something. His hands started trembling and he quickly put them around his waist in an attempt to stop the shaking. He needed something. Anything.

Fitz quietly walked over to the cabinet where he and Jemma stored all the chemicals, drugs and compounds they had to use in their experiments. He needed to shut it off. Whatever Garrett had forced into his system for days – he needed it. Whatever it did to him, whatever it made him feel – or not feel, he wanted it.

While Fitz wasn't a biochemist like Jemma, he still knew his sciences. One of the requirements of the Academy and Sci-ops was that all agents had a well-rounded understanding of all the sciences. So Fitz knew that opioid drugs worked by binding to opioid receptors. It reduced the sending of pain messages to the brain, and resultantly, helped to block out sensations of pain. It was a type of narcotic pain medication.

Jemma would have never prescribed him anything that powerful. Instead, she gave him some weak, useless pills that he had to take day and night. What Fitz was experiencing though was "breakthrough pain" - flares of pain that gave him migraines despite the doses of pain medication he was already taking.

It was happening again. He had a pounding headache and he couldn't focus. Rummaging through the cabinet, Fitz looked through the various rows of viles Jemma had carefully organized. He looked over his shoulder nervously before reaching to the very back where he had hidden his stash. Over the last few days, Fitz had made it a point to siphon small amounts of chemicals from their collection into his own viles. Opioids. He needed some kind of opioid, even if it meant that he had to mix it up on its own.

Fitz winced as his hands ran over the wound on his torso. There wasn't enough of the drug Jemma gave him in his system for him to ignore the pain. Without hesitation, Fitz pulled out the colorless vile of dilaudid he had put together. It was usually Jemma that played around with the chemicals, but he couldn't care less at this point. Fitz had ample windows of opportunities to cook up his own medicine since Coulson had let him back in the lab. Jemma was easy to take care of. She was distracted, and more than willing to leave the lab to make them food, tea, or anything really.

He knew its structural formula and that was good enough for him. _Trimethylamine. Hydroxide. Hydrochloric acid. Hydromorphone... Methylmor-._

Screw it.

It was as good as it was going to get. He needed it so badly.

He opened another drawer and pulled out a clean syringe. After making sure the coast was clear, Fitz quickly filled the syringe. Rolling up his sleeve, Fitz clenched his hand and made a fist. He looked down at syringe, pausing for a moment before he decidedly pushed it down into his arm, letting the drug take its effect on him.

Dilaudid did not actually remove pain. Narcotic agents work by having dissociative effects on its users – it dulled the extremes of pain so that instead of reliving his torture and suffering, Fitz merely felt nothing. He was empty. Fitz had somehow managed to lower himself onto the floor, his head lolled back, body against his desk, as his pupils enlarged.

And for that brief moment, Fitz was at peace. He was high as a kite.


	7. And It All Came Crashing Down

Fitz woke up with a start. "Jemma..." her name left his mouth in a soft whisper. He was paralyzed in bed, unable to move, the scene playing over and over again in his head. He slowly got up as his muscles started to wake and reached for the switch. He was drenched in sweat, gasping for air, as he tried to calm himself down. _It was just a dream._ _It's not real. It's not._ Breathing heavily, Fitz hesitantly looked down at his trembling hands, afraid to see if they were soaked in blood.

It seemed so real.

It was a memory he had tucked away at the back of his mind and had never spoken about. He had never even told Jemma about this. It wasn't something he wanted to remember, or talk about ever. But after the whole incident with Garrett, he wasn't even sure if the memory was real. It felt real – everything about it felt real, and it fit in with all the memories from his childhood. But he couldn't be certain. _He was damaged._ His mind, his one advantage, the one thing he knew he could always count on, wasn't the same anymore.

Fitz paced around his room, growing increasingly frustrated about his inability to work at the same level as he used to. No matter what Jemma gave him, the nightmares wouldn't stop. They were only getting worse.

It was as if he had a series of nightmares on a repeating rotation. Jemma jumping out of the plane, Skye getting shot, Jemma jumping in front of him just as a grenade went off, and now this - he would just have to add this to his collection. Fitz glanced over to his drawer. He felt like crap, and he just needed some peace. He needed the images to stop. He knew that he had to try and stop taking the dilaudid but he needed it tonight. Filling up the syringe, Fitz rolled up his sleeve and made a fist. He slowly slid the needle into his arm and pushed down, letting the drug trickle into his system. He stumbled back to his bed as the familiar warm fuzzy feeling started to take over his body. Fitz closed his eyes, his head falling back as the euphoria blotted out all the pain he was experiencing. These moments of drug-induced bliss – they were the closest thing to sleep Fitz had.

And as if the dark circles around his eyes weren't a clear enough indication that something had been keeping Fitz up all night – his foul mood made it perfectly clear to everyone else that there was definitely something wrong with the engineer.

* * *

Jemma paced around her lab bench, unable to focus with Fitz behaving so strangely. He had been moody lately, pushing her away at any given opportunity.

Fitz broke the silence, his voice laced with anger and irritation "How's your science experiment going?"

"I told you Leo, I'm only trying to help." Jemma sighed. "I'm trying to find a way to stop your shaking and -"

"Right, and you just happened to slip in a couple of sedations in there too so that I can't work? So I can't think? Whatever, Jemma. You can't force me to sleep."

"Fitz! It's not like that...I'm just _worried_ about you."

Fitz sighed exasperatedly, refusing to look up at her. "Whatever, just leave me alone Jemma" he muttered quietly.

Jemma cried silently at her bench as she threw herself back at her work. He was different and she was a mess. The dynamic the two of them shared was gone.. destroyed. Jemma didn't want to accept that. She thought that working together, working together would be good for them. Like old times. But it was different.

Jemma wiped the tears from her eyes and made her way to his bench. She wasn't going to give up on him. She knew that he needed his space so she kept her hands to herself as she softly spoke up. "How are your designs going Fitz?" she asked as she looked at all the papers sprawled across his workspace.

"Did you need help adjusting the dendrotoxin delivery mechanisms for the smaller icers? I can-"

Fitz slammed his fist on the table, not even bothering to look up at her. "Can you just _stop_ Jemma."

Jemma jumped, startled by the sudden outburst, tears threatening to fall out her eyes. "Fitz..I-I" her lips trembled as she failed to respond. She was speechless.

"Jemma – just. Just leave me alone. _Please_. I just want to be alone okay?" Fitz said quietly. It wasn't like he had intended to hurt Jemma. He just couldn't think, he couldn't focus with her there distracting him.

"Nonsense. You hate being alone! You're just trying to avoid something..." Jemma blurted out angrily. She took a deep breath, as she tried to fight back the tears.

Fitz looked up. It was obvious that he was hurting. He looked exhausted. He really needed to rest. Jemma wasn't sure when the last time he had a proper night's sleep was. She was too afraid to bring it up, but she would sometimes walk by his room and hear him tossing and turning, gasping for air. She had tried to intervene before but he had just pushed her away and told her to mind her own business. He was hurting – and she couldn't do anything about it.

All she wanted to do was hug him, but instead Jemma silently walked away. Before she left the lab, she turned around. "Fitz, I'm trying... I'm really trying..." she said softly as she walked out.

"Jemma..." she heard him whisper as the doors closed behind her. She couldn't let him see her crying.

The moment she left, the tears came streaming down as she struggled to choke back the sobs coming out of her mouth. Jemma ran to the kitchen and quickly wiped off all signs of tears with her sleeve. She was glad she did, because soon after, Skye walked in.

"Jemma? Is something wrong?" Skye gently asked, looking at Simmons with concern. It was obvious that the poor girl had been crying.

"It's nothing" Jemma replied cheerfully. Her voice going up a few notches higher than usual. Her hands played around with the cup of tea she had just made. _Sugar. Fitz loves a lot of sugar in his tea._ Without thinking, her hand reached out to dump two full spoons of sugar in. "I'm fine really" her voice cracking, "I should just get back to work, you know?" Jemma looked nervously at Skye.

"Simmons... hey..." Skye placed her hand on Jemma's arm.

"It's just -" Jemma couldn't control the tears at this point. "I just thought it would be back to like before you know? Fitzsimmons."

"Hey, hey hey" Skye pulled Jemma into a warm embrace, "sometimes it catches up with me too"

Jemma sighed. "Yes, well, it's to be expected isn't it?"

"I'm not sure why I thought – it's just that what after Garrett did to him."

Skye felt her heart break for the girl. Whatever Fitz had gone through – it didn't just affect him. Simmons took a big hit too. She was in as much pain as Fitz. It was like they had a psychic link, for better or for worse.

"You're allowed to be angry, you know that right?" Skye said as she gave Jemma another reassuring hug. Jemma gave Skye a small brave smile.

"I do." Jemma nodded, looking back at the girl she was grateful to call her friend. Jemma had always admired Skye's cheerful disposition and her fight. She never gave up on people, and she had such a big heart. Jemma had to admit that she was a little annoyed at Fitz' obvious attraction to Skye when she first arrived, but she was glad that they had their resident hacker on board.

"You know, these past few weeks are the longest Fitz and I have gone without watching an episode of Doctor Who." Jemma laughed as she took a sip of her tea. "Isn't that such a silly thing to think about?"

"That you miss him?" Skye answered, shaking her head. "You should try telling him that". Skye gave Jemma a warm smile. She made a mental note to talk to Fitz about being nicer to Simmons. Of all people to lash out at, he chose to snap at Simmons. She would give him hell for doing that. Simmons was the only one going out of her way to be accommodate all of Fitz' needs. She was just about to leave the kitchen when she saw a small ball come rolling in beeping and blinking with red lights.

"JEMMA GET DOW-" Before Jemma had the time to turn around, she felt the entire Bus shake and the next thing she knew she was on the ground as smoke started to engulf her.

* * *

Fitz groaned in pain as he glanced over the table from where he was hiding. _What the hell was happening?_ Fitz could taste the blood in his mouth. He would have stopped to fully assess his physical state but he was currently caught in the middle of a shoot out. HYDRA, he assumed had come onboard and attacked them from nowhere. One moment, he was in the lab working, the next, the entire plane shook violently. Caught unaware, Fitz had been thrown to the ground by the sudden movements, with the lab equipment crashing down on him. Judging by the blood stain starting to form on his shirt, Fitz had split open his old torso wound once again. And if he had to guess, he probably had some fractured ribs as well.

When the Bus was hit, Fitz instinctively ran to get the Bambino but before he even had the time to put on the safety guard he had designed to minimize the blow back force it generated, armoured men started to swarm towards him, guns pointed. He had been forced to kickstart the reverse-engineered Asgardian weapon without any of the safety measures, which had unfortunately resulted in severe burns on his shaking arm. The brute force of improperly firing the gun also had Fitz flying back against the wall. He was light headed, sick and it wasn't until the adrenaline had started to fade, did he feel the extent of his injuries. "Bloody hell" he said through gritted teeth, as he tried to ignore the stinging pain in his side and on his arms. Fitz ran his fingers uncomfortably across the side of his shirt, gasping as he brushed over the bruised areas. He had definitely broken some ribs.

"Fitz!" May called out from behind. Fitz had never been happier to hear her voice. He had bought himself some time with the Bambino but he really wasn't trained to fight at all. "You're going to run to me on the count of 3 okay?" she yelled at him as she caught sight of more armoured men heading towards them.

After a few loud bangs and frantic running, Fitz found himself next to Agent May. "What the hell happened to you?" May said gesturing to the burns on his arms and the blood on his shirt. "I'm fine" he grunted as he lowered himself next to her.

"I fired the Bambino. I didn't -"

May interrupted. "Ok, forget that. You're good to go though? We can't stay here," May said sternly, "We need to get to the quinjet" she observed their surroundings carefully before taking a good look at Fitz, noticing his hesitation. "She'll be fine Fitz." She knew his mind was on Simmons. Despite the rough few weeks, the two of them had always found their way back together. And even if their relationship wasn't like before, May knew that he did care for the biochemist.

"You don't kno-" by the time the first bullet came ricocheting, May had already grabbed Fitz painfully by his hand to move him forward.

"Fitz we have to move _now_!" May fired several bullets trying to provide them cover. Seeing the number of agents headed towards them, May hastily pulled a hand gun from her ankle and shoved it into Fitz' hands. "Point. Shoot. Got it?"

Even with the extra ammunition, Fitz and May were against pretty tough odds. The assault team were dangerously closing in on them and just when Fitz caught the quinjet in his line of sight, someone came tackling him down from the side. Loud shots went off, leaving Fitz with a high pitch ringing in his ear. Unsure of where the shots came from, Fitz frantically tried to haul himself forward away from his attacker but to no avail. The pain was excruciating. Fitz rolled over to his back only to see the HYDRA agent leering down at him, gun in one hand as his other tightened around Fitz' neck, slowly cutting off the air Fitz needed to function. It was like déjà vu, and Fitz instinctively reached for the pistol May had handed him earlier. He closed his eyes as he raised his weapon and squeezed on the trigger repeatedly, putting bullets through his attacker's chest. The soldier's lifeless body dropped on top of him, blood oozing out onto Fitz.

The ringing in his ears were defeaning. "Fitz? Focus on my voice. Fitz. I need to know if you're hurt" May asked quickly, pushing the body atop Fitz away. The look on Fitz' face said everything. The young engineer was in shock – Fitz wasn't a killer and what he had just done came hitting at him like a thousand bricks. May hauled Fitz up pushing him into the quinjet as she ran to the controls to get the plane ready for takeoff.

"Fitz! I'll be with you in a second. Just stay with me!" May yelled, as she rushed to power up the engine of the quinjet. "Buckle up, this isn't going to be a smooth ride" she instructed as the loud turbos started warming up.

Fitz let out a cry as he struggled to prop himself up to move towards a seat. The wave of pain hit him hard, and it wasn't until now did Fitz look down to see the growing pool of blood on his shirt. His hand reached over to press against the dark red spot. As he lifted his bloody hands to his eyes he managed to call out quietly

"M-may?" She looked back to see him holding his hands out shaking, fear in his eyes.

He fell to the floor, hard.

* * *

 _I live for the angsty-Fitz-is-hurt moments! Sorry ;p Also in case you didn't know, the "Bambino" is the destroyer armor prototype gun that both Coulson and Fitz used in the show. I changed how it works slightly but basically it's a really really big gun._

 _In greater news, TUESDAY Sept 29 IS SO CLOSE. I cannot wait to see Fitz! My mind is literally just going "fitz, fitz, fitz, fitz!"_

 _PS. I struggle a little with this story because I obviously enjoy my Fitz-angst moments but don't have a real grasp on a proper plot/storyline. I usually have a few key Fitz scenes in mind (i.e. Fitz gets tortured, Fitz takes drugs...etc), and just try to fill the space in between. Probably not the right way to go... and this is why I'm not writer! I've left myself a few random nuggets in the previous chapters (see if you can notice them!) that I can explore in the future but I don't have anything fully mapped out yet. So if you have any overarching ideas that you think will lend itself well to this story, please leave a review/send a message to share it. It will be greatly appreciated :)_


	8. Red & White

"Wher- where''s Fitz?" Jemma stuttered as she stumbled out of the plane. "Why'd you leave him back there! WHERE IS HE!?" she yelled hysterically. Her mind racing at the sudden turn of events.

Coulson didn't have time for questions, "Jemma – I need you to go with Agent Koenig" he said pointing her towards the short stubby man in front of them. She shook her head furiously, refusing to budge. "Simmons. You need to calm down. He's probably with Agent May. He's going to be fine ok?"

"Agent Simmons", Koenig reached forward to usher her through the hallway. "If you would follow me."

Koenig opened the next door with a slight smile on his face. The space was filled with tables and chairs, a fully decked out kitchen on the other side. It looked oddly like a cafeteria decorated with plants and fake windows.

"It's pretty cool eh?" Agent Koenig exclaimed, proudly showing off the room they had just arrived in. "You my friends, are at a SHIELD secret base. I like to call it The Playground." Jemma unconsciously grabbed a hold of Skye's hand. She was a wreck. She couldn't even recall the details anymore but it felt like her heart was being ripped out. Her mind snapped back to reality. _Fitz. The lab. Where was Fitz?_

Agent Koenig's smile started to dissipate as he registered the look on Jemma's face. "I know it's been rough. We've all been a little shaken up but you're here now. You'll be safe and soon you will all be issued lan-"

A loud crash came from the entrance. Agent Koenig immediately went running out, Coulson right behind him. "Guys, stay back!" Coulson instructed as he left quickly, leaving Skye and Jemma in silence.

There were sounds of quick movement, metal doors and frantic voices.

"Oh no. Ohno oh god no." they heard before rushing forward.

"SIMMONS GET DOWN HERE!" Coulson yelled out in a panic.

"Ohno no. Hang on. Just hang on ok?" Coulson begged as his hands wrapped around Fitz's face.

Her fears were confirmed when Coulson looked up at her in alarm. He and May were surrounding a pale and motionless Fitz on the ground. Agent May frantically kept her hand on Fitz, desperately trying to stop the bleeding from his chest but blood just kept oozing through her fingers onto the shirt he was wearing. His shirt. It was the one she had bought him years ago at the Academy. They had to give a presentation to a renowned physicist and Fitz having forgotten to do his laundry, had shown up in a monkey clad tshirt. Jemma had kicked up a fuss, and gave him a scolding about being presentable before dragging him off to a buy a whole new ensemble.

Tears clouded her eyes as she opened her mouth, trying to say something. Do something. But nothing came out.

"Simmons! SIMMONS!" Coulson yelled, grabbing her by her shoulders. "I've got no pulse!" he tugged at her more forcefully.

"Uh- he- he's lost too much blood. I don't-" Jemma looked around her before fixating on Agent Koenig. "All major SHIELD facilities have hyperbaric chambers – where's yours?!"

Agent Koenig quickly got up pointing them in the right direction.

"Fitz" her voice shaking. "Get him in there. Get him in there NOW" she shouted.

May, Skye and Coulson worked together to lift Fitz up as Agent Koenig led the way. The moment they were in the med bay, Jemma worked fast, hands trembling as she tore away strips of Fitz's' shirt to gain access to the wound. She ripped opened a pack of hemostatic gauze and pressed it firmly against his chest. The fabric soaked it all almost immediately. Jemma backed away from the table slowly, her breath caught in her throat as she remained silent. Seeing that Simmons was done with Fitz, the team hurried to place Fitz into the hyperbaric chamber.

Coulson stood by the chamber nervously looking at the motionless engineer inside as Jemma struggled to get the controls working. This was always Fitz's specialty. _What if she did something wrong?_ Jemma desperately started pressing the controls, her bloody hands staining the panel as she worked to get his temperature down.

Skye darted to Jemma's side, taking over. "I got it. I got it" she insisted, working fast to get the pressure in the hyperbaric chamber stabilized.

"Is it working?" May asked quietly. Her usual stoic mask replaced with a genuine look of concern.

"IS IT WORKING?" Coulson yelled, his eyes locked on the engineer. Fitz had become deathly pale, his eyes closed and his body slack.

"Temperature's dropping – I think we've got it!" Skye responded, her hands up in the air as she backed away from the panel. She had done everything that she could. She had only hoped that it was enough.

Everyone looked down waiting for something to happen. It didn't take long before a small breath escaped through Fitz's mouth. Jemma let out a sigh of relief but she was far from relaxed.

Jemma straightened her body before she started to speak "His core temperature's hovering around 45 Fahrenheit. If we don't get him back up in the next few hours, he could sustain permanent damage. We need to get him to a proper medical facility and fast." Her voice was cold and calculated. She let out a shaky breath, "until then, I'll do everything I can to keep him alive. Now, if you'll excuse me." Jemma left abruptly, practically running away as the rest of the team looked on.

* * *

The water ran red against the white sink as Jemma aggressively tried to scrub off all the blood off her hands. She hit the soap dispenser again and again, swirls of blood came rushing down the surface as she rubbed her hands together under the water. Jemma blinked, feeling panic rising within her like bile. In her mind, the water in front of her was an oasis of blood. Of his blood.

Her hands were stained, her clothes covered in blood. Jemma gasped as she fell to the ground, her mind replaying the events that had just occurred. She screamed. Loud. Tears streaming down her face.

A gentle hand reached out and slowly rubbed her shoulder. It was like what Fitz had always done when it was the two of them. When she was stressed, concerned, worried. He would always reach out and gently draw circles on her back with his thumb. He would tell her everything would be ok. But when Jemma turned around she saw May, not Fitz. _Fitz was gone._ A figment of her imagination. May looked at the girl, and gave her a small nod before stepping closer to pull Jemma in a warm embrace. It was like May recognized that look of despair and hopelessness on Jemma's face. May stayed quiet as Jemma collapsed against her, sobbing uncontrollably as a thousand moments hit her. "I can't- I can't live without him" she cried out in between sobs. May did the one thing she could as Jemma let out all of her pent up emotions; she just held on tightly to her.

They were just kids. Kids that would move the mountains for one another. But here they both were, broken.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Here's a chapter to get you through to next week :) We saw Fitz breakdown on Tues, so I thought I'd flip it and show Jemma breaking down instead. I also thought it'd be nice to include a May-Jemma moment.

Leave a review please! Pretty please?


	9. I Feel What You Feel

**Just a note before you read this chapter:** This story doesn't stick to the exact same timeline as the show. I've referenced certain events here that shouldn't have happened yet (aka it didn't happen in Season 1), but for the sake of this story - just try and take those standalone events that I've mentioned and pretend that they've already occurred. Bare with me. Hopefully it's not too confusing!

* * *

Coulson sat alone in the empty hospital waiting room, his hand gripping a cup of dark roast that had gotten cold. The stark overhead lights were so piercing, that he lowered his head and shut his eyes. He had been trying to fight the pessimistic thoughts that were flooding his head. His thoughts were locked on Fitz. The blood. Simmons. He couldn't afford to lose him. Trying to escape the brightness of the waiting room, he walked out into the front yard of the hospital. The grass was dry, brown and brittle, withering away what little life it had left. The cold air startled him, waking him from his thoughts. The sad truth was, Coulson didn't know if things would be alright. Fitz was in critical condition, there was a chance – a chance that he would have to watch his young engineer die. Coulson clasped his hands together in a self-pacifying gesture, trying to reassure himself. _It'll be fine. Fitz will pull through. He's strong._

"You plan on talking to me about your hand?" May appeared around the corner, worry in her expression.

His gaze dropped to his hands. "What about it?"

May lifted her brows as her expression hardened, "You think I wouldn't know?" She took a few steps closer to him, taking his shaking hand into hers.

"It's been tremoring the whole flight out. You're getting worse."

Coulson let out a sigh, taking back his hand, as he reluctantly straightened his tie. "Did the rest of the team see it?" he asked, shifting uncomfortably, avoiding her eyes.

"No. They're good. But Skye is asking the usual too many questions. I'm not sure they know how bad it is" she fixed her eyes on him.

"Okay." Phil took in a long deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. His mind reeled with jumbled thoughts. He was too tired to think -

"Phil" May looked up at him, her eyes glassy for a change. Melinda May had always been a rock. Firm. Decisive. Some would say cold, but he knew her. She always had his back, and was a constant source of strength. She trusted him, and allowed herself to be vulnerable around him, because she – they, had always been there for one another. She blinked, her lips parted then closed. No words came out. Her shoulders felt heavy.

His eyes were weary but he remained focused on her as he stared into her eyes. Her gaze softened, and she swallowed hard, struggling to keep her emotions in check. He knew what she was thinking.

"How's Simmons?" she asked softly. Looking down, May reached for Coulson's hand as a sigh escaped her mouth They didn't want to admit it but losing Fitz... They would lose Simmons too.

"Amazingly resilient." he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"An experience like that, it takes a while to sink in." She flinched as he brought his hand up to touch the wound on her shoulder. His eyes unwavering as he thought back to Bahrain.

Tears threatened to fall out of her eyes. "Do you know how long it's taken me-?"

"I know." he interrupted. May wasn't always like this. She was different once. Warm. He wrapped a hand around her, rubbing her back as they walked back into the hospital room.

It was going to be a long wait.

* * *

It took too much energy to stay mad at someone who cried so much. When Skye wiped out all of their identities, she hadn't fully considered what they were really giving up. Memories. Proof. Photos. Tangible things that reminded them of who they were. And if Fitz – if Fitz didn't wake up, Jemma would have nothing. Nothing but painful memories in her mind that would torment her, and replace the once happy moments they had together. Skye looked down at the tattered photo she had manage to salvage in the mess. A photo of Fitz and Simmons on their graduation day, his hand around her back, his eyes on her as she smiled at the camera with a wide toothy grin.

They were happy. So happy. And she laughed to herself, when she thought about how ridiculous it was that two geniuses couldn't figure out that they were in love with one another.

Skye never had a family before. She never belonged until she met them. All of them. Fitz was like a brother to her. She loved him. Her chest tightened with emotion as she struggled to hold back the tears. Convulsive sobs shook her body as she collapsed against the wall. She stood there as she tried to steady herself, her heart pounding, breathing rapid as the tears poured out. Her lips trembled as she punched the wall, again and again, disregarding the fact that she was hurting her hand.

"Fuck!" she glanced down at her bloody knuckles, feeling stupid.

 _She was so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. How could she not have seen that Ward was HYDRA?_ This was all her fault. She should have seen it coming, she should have done something. Shoot him. Kill that son of a bitch.

She was suffocating. Her hand squeezed her eyes shut.

"No, nononono, no no" she cried out, shaking her head blindly as panic rose through her chest. Skye screamed, her hands clutching the sides of her head. Her lungs were sending distressed signals to her brain, her breath caught in her throat as the terrors filled the veins of her heart.

"Fitz..." she whispered.

" _Fitz was a clutz again." he said nervously. "uh.. she's just clearing up the mess. It's my fault." he gestured towards the broken glass in the med bay, "I knocked over the lamp when I was taking a sample of Skye's blood". He lifted up his trembling hand, his voice shaking slightly, "I don't know, I guess – I guess my coordination still needs work." He looked down, avoiding Jemma and May's eyes. He played around with the tablet in his hand, hoping to distract them. "I was anxious to double check the results." He clicked on a few buttons on the screen, turning it towards May and Jemma. "Her DNA is an exact match to what it was before. She's clear." Fitz breathed heavily, stealing a glance at Skye. Whatever he had done, he had just bought them some time._

" _What did you just do?" she stared at him in disbelief as he worked on bandaging her up. He held her hand in his, firmly pressing a piece of cloth over her bloody hand. Tears welled up in her eyes as he told her about the drastically different DNA results. She looked up in shock, afraid to think about what that would actually mean. He looked up to meet her eyes, his hand over hers. "We should keep it between us." His voice was uncertain but the look on his face said otherwise. "I'll keep you safe. Until we figure it out okay?" Skye nodded slowly, as she bent down to pull Fitz into a hug. She started crying on his shoulder, shaking her head. "This is all my fault. I let this happen. I-I'm so sorry" she quivered in his embrace. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her closer as he stroked her back. "No. It's ok, it's ok. You're just different now." He turned his head to look her in the eye. "There's nothing wrong with that." She buried her face deeper into his shoulder, sobbing when he whispered in her ear, "It's all going to be alright, I promise"._

Nothing was alright. She had failed him. He had kept his promise to her, but she - she failed him.

Her body trembled as she staggered forward towards the door, photo in one hand. Tears ran down her face, as she gave in to the feeling. Something inside of her broke. She stood by the door, in the pain that latched itself in the depths of her soul. She cried until she felt herself feel light. Everything he had done for her and here she was - helpless. She couldn't help him. The weight of the pain she felt now that she was alone was crushing her.

Skye was about to hit the wall again when she heard footsteps in the hallway.

She quickly wiped away the tears that had dropped onto the photo, trying to hide all evidence of the meltdown she just had. She had to be strong. For Jemma.

"Why do you have that?" Jemma's voice cut through the silence like a knife. Jemma approached Skye cautiously, her eyes never leaving the photo Skye had in her hand.

Skye looked up at Jemma and blinked like a deer caught in the headlights. She opened her mouth, straining for words. Nothing but frantic sounds came out. It wasn't until she felt the slap across her face knock her breath out that she managed to process what had just happened.

Her voice was quiet, "I miss him too, Jemma."

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I took the advice of AgentofSassArwenFolchart, and tried to explore the POVs of the other characters. I hope I did them justice. Writing the Phil x May scene was particularly hard for me - I wasn't too sure on how to give May more emotion whilst still staying true to her character.

But please leave a review! I really appreciate your input/suggestions. You may have more influence on the story than you think!


	10. Inhibitions

" _Jemma- help me" he begged silently in his mind._

Beep...Beep...Beep...

 _His heart hammered against his chest as he tried to get up on his feet. They were heavy and failing him, the looming figure approaching dangerously close again._

Beep... Beep beep... Beep... Beep beep.

" _You listen to me you little bitch. No one's here to help you. Daddy's not coming to save you. You think you're so strong fighting me on this?"_

 _He had never been so scared before. He couldn't hold out much longer. Burning. His body was burning with pain._

" _Jemma – Jemma please. Come get me. I need you." he whispered to the floor._

Beep.. .beep...beep beep... .beep. .beep.

 _Garrett picked him up by his shirt, dragging him off the ground. "They . don't . need . you." he snarled. "You think SHIELD's so great? You think Coulson's going to get you? This-" Garrett punched him in the face, "is what" hitting him hard on the left side of his ribs, "they've done" before finally delivering a hard blow to his face once again causing Fitz to fall back onto the ground, "to you."_

Beep. .beepbeepbeepbeep!

"He's crashing! His heart rate is increasing, he's going into tachycardia!"

A woman's voice rang with authority. "Get the paddles! NOW!" Someone dragged a mobile defibrillator over to the bed "Charging!"

Jemma quickly placed gel on his chest, "Come on, come on, Fitz stay with me" she begged.

"Ready!" the nurse shouted.

"Clear," Jemma yelled as she placed the charged paddles against his chest. With a loud thump, his body shook as the electrical impulses worked its way to his heart in an attempt to restore its normal rhythm.

 _Garrett picked up the wrench once more and slammed it down on Fitz's leg, sending the young engineer screaming as his body shook in agony. Garrett grabbed his chin and forced his face upwards. Groans and panting were all that escaped Fitz's throat._

" _5 days." Garrett said. "5 days and they haven't come for you"_

"Anything? ANTHING?" Jemma asked.

The nurse checked the heart monitor and the line still showed abnormally dangerous fluctuations. She replied, "No. He's still going at 200 beats per minute! Charging again."

" _It's going to keep going on like this, Agent Fitz. They're not going to come and I don't get tired. Look at what they've made you endure." Fitz tried to look away but Garrett gripped the boy's chin tighter and tugged his face upwards. "All this suffering and for what?" Garrett lifted his leg over Fitz's arm on the ground before forcefully driving his foot down. "I'm not sure you'll be able to use that hand properly again son" Fitz screamed, black dots started to fill his vision. "Now how many more parts do you think Coulson will let me break?" Fitz went pale and began to hyperventilate, his eyes fixed on Garrett._

"One more time, CLEAR!" Jemma said as she placed the paddles onto his chest.

 _His body felt a large shock as his world began to rip apart at the seams. His vision was fading. Noises started seeping through._

"Do it again, CLEAR!"

Fitz jerked upright with a start, gasping for breath. His body broke out in sweats as his eyes fluttered open in bewilderment. Her face started to come into focus in front of him.

"Jemma?" he whispered weakly as he panted. His eyes spun around wildly, his vision distorted as he frantically looked for something to hold on to.

A man spoke up, "Guys, can you clear the room? Give them a minute." Whispers were exchanged and then there was a quiet shuffle of footsteps out the door.

"Fitz" Jemma grabbed a hold of his hand, taking it firmly in hers as she held his face up towards her. She drew closer and pulled him into a warm embrace, hugging him tightly. Jemma smiled but there were tears running freely down her cheeks. He noticed the lines that had formed between her eyebrows. She looked exhausted. "Hey" he managed to get out in a rasp.

She backed away suddenly and let out a sigh of relief. Jemma clapped her hand over her mouth trying to subdue the choking sounds coming out. "Thought I'd finally wake up to get that sandwich" he said, a weak grin on his face.

She laughed through stifled sobs. "You almost died!"

 _Kiss her. Comfort her._ Jemma came dangerously close to him, her hands running through his messy brown hair as she kissed the top of his head, inhaling his familiar scent. Silently, she gazed up into his face. "Promise you won't leave my side again," she whispered. He held her gaze, his blue eyes clear and steady. _Kiss her._ Jemma Simmons wasn't just his best friend. She was more than that. She was his everything. "Stay with me. Don't go" he begged, pulling her towards his bed. Jemma hesitated before she lifted the sheets to slip inside beside him. She squeezed next to him as she intertwined her fingers with his.

"I'm not leaving you" she said as she shuffled her body to nuzzle her head in the hollow of his shoulder. He looked down at the girl in his arms and pulled her closer, leaning in until their faces were only inches apart. _He needed Jemma Simmon's love._ Suddenly, he closed the gap and pressed his lips against hers. He kissed her, a hesitant, questioning kiss.

Jemma's muscles tensed up, and her body became still. Her eyes were still shut close, as his lips pressed ever so lightly and warmly on hers. _Was the need for this kind of contact, the reassurance of her body simply because of his near death experience?_ _She loved him, but this, this didn't seem fair. Not when he was so vulnerable._ "F-fitz. Fitz. Stop." Jemma pulled away, breaking the kiss, her breathing uneven as she looked into his puzzled eyes. Tension hummed between them. She held her breath, not knowing what he would say or how he would react. Fitz jerked away. But then breathed deeply and whispered, "Jemma, please." he leaned in again, "I..I-i have to forget. I need you. Make me forget." _He was pleading with her._ Before she could say anything, he captured her mouth in a kiss. She would have resisted him if she had the willpower but this time, the kiss was stronger, more passionate and desperate than before that it brought tears to her eyes. He didn't ask for permission this time as he deepened the kiss. _He was hurting._ He loved her and she loved him. _She could help him. This was how she could help him._ Tears streamed down her face as she let herself give in the comfort of his touch. Jemma kissed him back eagerly, her inhibitions gone. She had never seen him with so much need or desire before.

His hands rose to cup her face and he gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. All Fitz could think about was how warm her presence was. He needed Jemma around him. This was what he wanted, right? Fitz ignored the pain surging through his bones and moved his body above hers. One thought echoed in his mind as he kissed her quick and hard. _You need Jemma._ _You need Jemma Simmon's love._

* * *

Uhoh. Did I just ruin their first kiss? I hope this wasn't too big of a contrast (between the first half and second half the chapter) that it ended up weird but hey, people deal with trauma in different ways right? If you look close enough, you'll see some parallels instead. I've got a rough plan on where to take this so hang in there with me.

I also realize now that I'm not great at filling in the "in-betweens". I tend to drive my story forward with crazy scenes like this chapter that don't necessarily link 100% to its preceding or following chapter. I have a hard time writing moments where nothing really happens (not that it's not important), I guess I just don't have the patience to build it up! If anyone thinks this story will benefit from some serious "fillers" (for a lack of a better term), and you think you could help out, I'll be more than happy to talk about a collab of some sort!

 **PS. If you want a deeper (and darker, more adult themed) look into Fitz's troubled mind, have a read over my new story " Wrong Yet Right"! **It takes place shortly after this chapter. It doesn't necessarily have to belong in this story, but I like to think of it as a possible way things could play out... Just food for thought ;p

Thanks for reading along anyways :) Let me know what you think in the review section!


	11. Unravelled

He looked down at his hands nervously. They were shaking on the tea cup. It had been 2 days since he-

 _He was nauseous._

"Fitz?" Coulson stood in the corner, watching the young engineer. "You alright?"

"Fitz...? When was the last time you had a good night's sleep?"

His head was spinning. He could hear the kettle whistling, the microwave beeping, he could see Coulson look at him with sympathetic eyes. It was overwhelming. He couldn't focus his attention on anything other than the fact that he needed another shot. He needed another flash of high in his system. His skin was crawling for another fix. Fitz tried to take another breath as the pain in his arm hit him like a thousand bricks. _You're a burden. You're weak. They don't need you._

The tea cup dropped from his hands, shattering into a million pieces on the ground. He looked at Coulson with widened eyes as the air eluded him.

"I..I- I-" Fitz raised his hands to his head, palms pressed to each side, as if his head was about to explode. His mouth opened wide, his chest heaving but he struggled to get the air he needed into his system. He tried to take a step towards the kitchen table to steady himself, but his knees buckled underneath him and he swayed dangerously.

A secure hand reached out to hold him still. "Fitz. You're burning up."

The last thing he saw was Coulson bending forward to catch him before he hit the ground.

* * *

It was Jemma's hands that he felt on his face. Even with his blurred vision, he recognized her touch. Her hands were soft, cooling as she brushed them across his face. He was cradled against her chest, the sound of her voice gently willing him to snap him out of his daze. She smelled of clean, fresh lavender but it had it's own unique note to it. A stressed out, nervous Fitz had stumbled into one of Jemma's intense study sessions during finals weeks, and it was then that he discovered her secret lavender concoction that helped her remain calm through the insanity of the Academy's rigorous examinations. Jemma, being the ever brilliant biochemist had synthesized and distilled her own blend of a lavender spritz that had heightened soothing and relaxing effects. It was a smell Fitz grew accustomed to and had always associated with Jemma Simmons. It was that scent that had always lingered in the lab after she had left, driving him to come up all sorts of excuses to spend more time with her.

"His fever's high, and he's breathing hard." he heard her say, her warm breath against his head. His throat was dry, sore. It was as if she knew exactly what was going on in his mind because the next thing he knew, a cup was pressed against his lips. Fitz coughed, struggling to keep the water down his throat. Jemma gave him a small smile, unbuttoning up his shirt and rolling up in his sleeves in an attempt to get his body temperature down. She flinched slightly, noticing the marks on his arms. "Let's get him to a bed shall we?"

"His bunk?" Coulson asked, moving forward to help carry the engineer to his room. The Playground would never be the same kind of home the bus was to the team, but they had tried to take small steps into feeling settled again. Each team member was assigned a bunk. It was small – smaller than their sleeping quarters on the bus, but it served its purpose.

"You know what? I think the extra space in one of the vaults will do him some good. There's a bed in there right?" Jemma lied, her overly cheerful voice giving her away. Coulson shot her a look of confusion as she nodded profusely, an awkward smile on her face. It was as if she was trying to convince herself that she was making the right choice.

Fitz took unsteady strides towards the vault. He felt like he was going vomit at any second. He was sweating, his legs sore. Every step was pain. All he wanted to do was crash on the floor, and curl up into a ball but he was being held up by Coulson on one side and Jemma on the other. His mind was racing while his body felt like it was dying.

By the time they reached the vault and laid him down on the bed, he was delirious. His eyes flew open, but it was like he wasn't there. There was a look of crazy and terror in his eyes. His body shuddered and convulsed at every touch. Fitz jerked up and rolled over to the side of the bed, withering in pain, as he puked violently on the floor. Coulson instinctively lunged forward to calm him down. He put an arm on his back, giving him a firm pat on his back, trying to help Fitz get it all out.

 _It was like someone was holding him underwater. The firm grip against his back pushing him down. His breath was gone and he was drowning all over again._ _ **They let you drown. They didn't save you.**_ _He was scrambling, fighting, clawing his way back to the surface but to no avail._

Fitz doubled over in agony and started choking on the foam around his mouth. His body shook violently.

"JEMMA? Why aren't you doing anything?"

"You-you can't- you just have to let him – it's not safe." Jemma struggled with her words, "Just keep him on his side". She said as she backed away slowly.

Coulson rushed to flip Fitz onto his side. He felt helpless seeing the boy convulse and cringe in pain. It wasn't until the extreme fatigue set in did Fitz pass out into oblivion.

A bewildered Coulson looked at the mess and asked, dreading the answer "Jemma- What- What's wrong with him?"

Jemma spoke softly, tears welling up in her eyes as her fingers operated the tablet, "I- I- I think he's going through withdrawal. I... I don't know how I d-didn't see it before." She backed away further, pulling Coulson away from Fitz.

A silent hum echoed through the room. Jemma had just turned on the invisible barrier. She locked Fitz in the room.

* * *

"How was this possible?" Coulson yelled, frustrated at the entire situation.

"A room full of spies, and you're telling me no one, NO ONE could tell he was taking drugs?" he shouted angrily, "Simmons – you're supposed to have all the drugs under lock and key. Do you want to explain to me how he got some?"

"Phil" May's stern voice came out as a warning.

"I-i- I'm sorry. I don't-" Jemma was at a lost for words as she ran out of the room tears in her eyes. It was her fault. She of all people should have known, should have seen. The signs were all there. The sudden outbursts, the mood swings, the sleepless nights.

"It's not her fault, Phil." May said, throwing daggers at him with her eyes. Coulson was concerned but frustrated more than anything. This was the kind of thing they could prevent.

"Get out. All of you get out!" Coulson shouted angrily. He closed the door and headed back into his office. Melinda May looked at poor girl in the corner. Skye was standing there, shocked, unmoving, as Coulson lashed out at the group of them. She gave Skye a reassuring squeeze, "let me handle him. You go get Jemma."

He was angry, frustrated, his emotions running away from him. He felt powerless to control them. The door creaked as May stepped into his office. She wasn't happy, he could tell.

He had changed. He wasn't the same person he used to be. They were supposed to be able to talk to him, lean on him, trust him but he was just making a mess out of things. What good was rebuilding shield if he couldn't take care of his own team?

"You ready to talk about what that was all about?" she asked, as she placed her hand on his shoulder. Coulson kept silent behind his wall of anger. She shot him a look of disapproval. Melinda May wasn't one to beat around the bush.

He felt helpless, and he released his anger on them. That much he could admit. Fitz was supposed to be back in safety, yet this happened under his watch.

"I thought he was fine. I should have known." he said exasperatedly.

"He picked up a few skills being around us. You can't blame yourself." May replied, the truth weighing down on her conscious. It was her fault too. She should have known something bigger was at play when he started lashing out Simmons. "He was trying to cope. There's no way you can go through a trauma like he did and not come out of it changed."

"This shouldn't have happened." _How could he have been so stupid._ Coulson furrowed his brows in distress, shaking his head. It made sense at that time, but Coulson had given Fitz too much space. He thought it would be good for Fitz to get back in the lab, to resume his normal routine but it was all too much for him, too soon. He could see now what a reckless decision that was. Whatever prompted Fitz to use drugs as a coping mechanism, instead of reaching out to them, his own team, it must have been bad. Had he hardened so much that Fitz felt like he couldn't approach him for help?

"There's no going back. Only moving forward now." May said, her voice gentler than usual. She placed her hand on his chest, "You're the beating heart of this team, Phil. You have to hold it together. They're looking to you for strength."

Whatever sick game Garrett was playing, he was winning. Phil Coulson had never felt so defeated before.

* * *

Fitz was freezing. But it was like he was freezing cold and burning hot at the same time. The ache in his bones were indescribable. His stomach was twisting and turning in knots, sending horrible waves of nausea and pain throughout his body. He tried not to gag, curling himself further into a ball under his blanket as he tried to fight off the tensing shrieks of pain.

There was something wrong with him. Every part of his body was screaming for relief.

Fitz was shivering, his mind whirling. _They don't need you. They don't want you. Especially not like this._

He retracted into the tiny ball he had began to be so familiar with as he hugged his legs against his chest. Fitz cried. He tried to take slow deep breaths to calm himself down but thoughts just plagued him. _He was damaged._

* * *

Fitz woke up an hour later, with a cold hand on his forehead. He flinched but didn't pull away. He looked pale and weary. "You're still running a fever." she said softly.

She was trying to be a professional. She was mad. At him. At herself.

He didn't even have the energy to sit up. He coughed out a wheezy breath. "It's too high" she said, without looking him in the eye.

"I'm going to give you a small dose of dimenhydrinate. It should help with the pain and nausea. And it should bring down your fever." she yanked out his arm before administrating the drug into his veins. The marks on his arm mocked her silently. _She should have known. He lied to her the entire time._

He blinked in and out of consciousness, his laboured breathing the only sound in the room. He started to shake again, his body convulsing as it dealt with the absence of the opioids it grew so accustomed to.

Jemma flew back at the sight of his pain. _She couldn't do this._ "Drink some water will you?" She said with authority, placing a cup next to his bed.

Her heart sped up as she held her breath, willing herself to not break down in the room. She had to concentrate. _Leave. Just leave._ Jemma Simmons wanted to cry.

* * *

"How he doing?" Coulson asked, looking at the screen in front of him. They could see his every move. He was waking up every few minutes, trashing about, as he swung from one extremity to another.

Jemma stifled a sob. "As good as you can imagine."

"He's panicking. His body is going into shock." she said nonchalantly.

Coulson could tell that Jemma was barely holding it together. They had all been through too much. This was her way of coping. She needed to distant herself. To just look at him as a subject, nothing more.

Her voice sounded cold. "Imagine if one day, your lungs could only get half the oxygen they were used to," Jemma used her tablet to pull up what seemed like a simulation of human cells on the large screen.

"Extended use of opiates changes the structure of nerve cells in your brain. His cells have learnt to rely on the drug just to function properly. And now that he's not getting any, every pain receptor in his body that is demanding dulling down, is shouting out in agony."

Coulson looked at the girl, "it's like he's suffocating on the inside.. Jemma-" she cut him off before he could finish.

"Yes. Now if you'll excuse me."

He would have to go find her and talk to her. But one problem at a time.

* * *

Fitz felt light headed, but his mind had cleared slightly. He pushed himself up, woozy before he managed to stable himself upright. He was pacing back and forth relentlessly around the room like a caged animal when he suddenly came face to face with Skye, sitting a few feet away from his bed.

He looked around at his surroundings and put two and two together. He was in the vault in the playground. His body language was full of anger but he held his calm. He had to get out. He walked cautiously towards her, putting his hand out to test out his theory. Fitz quickly hit the invisible wall.

 _He was trapped._

"Skye?" he asked, confused. "What- why..." his voice shook as he realized they must have known about the opioids.

"You should have told me Fitz." she snapped. "I could have helped" her eyes were watery, but her face hardened.

"It won't happen again. I promise. Just let me out" his blue eyes made contact with hers. He didn't flinch one bit. She would have thought he was serious if Jemma hadn't warned her about this. _"He'll try and do anything and everything to get his hands on more. He'll beg you. He'll look you in the eye. Whatever he does, don't give in."_

"Don't lie to me Fitz." she swallowed. He was good. It was hard to think that the man standing in front of her, begging for a second chance wasn't being genuine. Fitz was one of the nicest, sweetest guys she knew. It was hard to believe that he could be so manipulative.

He threw his hands up in frustration. She could tell that he was crumbling, that his craving was getting harder to control. "Skye, I'm not lying. I won't. No more ok?" Skye felt a pang of pain as his eyes pierced her heart with the look he gave her.

Trying to detach herself emotionally from the situation, Skye glared at him. "That's not how this works."

He slammed his fist into the invisible wall, his anger seeping out onto his face. "Skye!" he yelled, banging the invisible wall in frustration once again. "Let me out of here!"

Skye jumped at his sudden outburst, her body stiffening, as she repositioned herself to sit on the chair and stare at him with an icy glare. This is what Jemma warned her about. She gulped a lump down her throat. She could handle this, she told herself again and again as Fitz yelled out continuously at her.

"SKYE! This is ridiculous. COME ON!" She ignored him.

"Where's Jemma? Let me talk to Jemma. JEMMA – I know you can hear me!" He was right about that. Jemma didn't have the strength to go in again to face him, but she was watching the feed from the observation room. She could hear every word. She could see his pain.

Fitz stared straight into the camera as he mocked Skye. "You're leaving me with this one?" he pointed aggressively at the girl sitting across him.

"Jemma let me out!" he yelled desperately. He was unraveling. His hands started trembling, his body still going through symptoms of withdrawal. "Let me out you bitch! I loved you! Don't you bloody dare ignore me! JEMMA!" he started screaming, hitting the wall again and again, his knuckles bloody, as tears streamed down his face.

The sharp words hit her like knives stabbing at her heart. _She did this to him._ "JEMMA DO SOMETHING!" he pleaded hysterically, his legs giving way as he started to gag and cough on the ground. His pupils were dilated. The blood on his hands didn't phase him. He unwittingly traced his fingers across his arm, over the veins he used to shoot into. He was still screaming for a shot.

"I'm going to make you pay" he managed to struggle out as he collapsed against the wall, exhaustion taking over.

His brain and body was in panic mode, the complete lack of dopamine triggering a survival response that manifested into an intense desperation. _They don't give a shit about you Fitz. No one's going to help you._ Garrett's words echoed in his head, as he gave in to the darkness.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I hope I did a decent job addressing the issue of substance abuse/PTSD (there's a bit of the latter here). Let me know what you think in the reviews (or PM me!)


	12. The Engineer

Here's a warning: this chapter doesn't follow the same timeline as the TV show. There are certain references to scenes that occur in the show, but you should view them as standalone events.

* * *

Ward's allegiance was with Garrett. He was the man who saved him. Who took him under his wing when no when else would. He owed everything to the man. It was in that forest that Ward became a man. Garrett taught him how to fight, to survive, to trust no one but himself.

It wasn't like he didn't grow to care for Coulson and the rest of the team. They made it so easy to infiltrate. They were trusting; Fitzsimmons, Skye, Coulson... May was the only one that was harder to crack. The scientists were the easiest, they didn't have field training, they didn't know what it was like to lie or manipulate. All he had to do was to come in like an older brother, to provide strength, protection, and be Mr. Save The Day.

There were moments where he did feel protective over them. Or concerned. It was the bond they all had that irked him. Fitz, risking his life to jump off a plane for Simmons when he had absolutely no idea how to operate a parachute. Simmons, jumping on a grenade. Skye, bugging him non-stop about his defining moment. They cared for each other – tremendously. But Ward was always a one man team. That was all he knew, and he pushed aside all genuine feelings for the team because he knew it made him weak. Ward was strong because Garrett taught him how to eliminate weakness. They were a mission. Garrett gave Ward a purpose.

He couldn't, and wouldn't feel bad about Fitz. If Garrett said it had to be done, then it had to be done. Images of a tortured Fitz crossed Ward's mind as he sat back down on his chair.

He was home.

"Good to have you back, son" Ward stood up and immediately pulled Garrett into a tight hug. He smirked at him. "It's good to be back sir."

Garrett's face was overwhelmed with pride, as well as relief. "You had them going good boy, did you think I would leave you with Coulson?"

Ward was willing to do a lot of the man standing in front of him. He could have endured a lot of more torture if necessary. "Why'd you give them Fitz back?" he asked curiously, "I thought you said you needed him. I would have been fine."

A wide smile spread across Garrett's face, "now now, what did I teach you about what one man can accomplish once he realizes he can be something bigger?" Garrett led Ward out of den, down the stairs. "Don't worry about Agent Fitz. I broke him good." Garrett laughed, as he looked back at Ward. "First, I gotta show you something. You haven't seen the big picture yet!"

Garrett opened the door to a small dimly lit room underground. All over the walls were marks, lines and dots carved onto the walls.

"Can't keep all these ideas in my head, son" he said casually, noticing the look on Ward's face.

 _Garrett was losing it._

"Hey" Garrett gave Ward a solid pat on his shoulder. "I'm alive for the first time, thanks to you." He gave Ward an appreciative smile. "That drug didn't just strengthen me, it gave me a clarity of mind."

Ward was confused. He knew about Project T.A.H.I.T.I. but it drove people insane. And Garrett was still alive thanks to the modified GH.325. While the centipede device had helped to keep him alive, it was the serum that healed the internal injuries he sustained.

"Sir – the T.A.H.I.T.I. patients, didn't they go-" Garrett interrupted, a big smile on his face "You don't think I'm mad do you?" He walked over to open another door. The room was larger than he expected, stark white, sterile. On the ceiling was a large overhead light.

Ward blinked twice, uncertain of the object in front of him. It was a big machine with multiple robotic arms, each connected to a needle. Ward backed away carefully, "Isn't that? But – how'd- that was destroyed!" he blurted out without thinking. Ward knew about Project T.A.H.I.T.I. and Coulson's involvement in the project. 6 agents, injected with GH.325, showed incredible healing progress. The serum had an effect of regenerating cellular tissue on a level unknown to modern day science. It was soon discovered though that the serum also implanted fragments of cellular memory of the host to the receiver. The patients of Project T.A.H.I.T.I. all began showing signs of insanity. As a last resort to override the invading memories from the host, doctors put patients through a painful and torturous procedure to have their original memory erased, and new ones implanted. The process worked with each person having no memory of their previous lives – but Ward knew about the sacrifice that meant. Garrett would never erase his memory like that.

Garrett saw Ward's puzzled look and couldn't keep the crazy smile off his face. "Still trying to figure it out boy? Hah." Garrett tapped the side his head. "Who do you think built the memory overwriting machine in the first place?"

Suddenly everything clicked into place. A robotic-assisted neural micro-surgery - that would require extremely fine and sophisticated engineering. To calibrate a machine to interact with specific portions of the brains and deliver an exact dose of electricity.. that would require- that would require... Fitz.

 _Fitz._ That's what Garrett wanted him for.

The gears starting turning in his head. How didn't he know this? Fitz wasn't a great liar. There was no way he could have kept this a secret, unless... _Fitz didn't know_. _He didn't remember._ Ward looked at Garrett for confirmation, only to be greeted by an evil possessive grin.

"That's right, that's right. You see what SHIELD does? That poor boy had no clue. Talk about betrayal." Ward's hands reached up to cover his eyes as bright white light shone straight in his direction. Garrett lifted up two x-ray scans against the light, "they had tissue removed from his hippocampus, which stores memory. Crazy right?" Garrett pointed to the incisions made along the temporal lobe. "The lengths at which SHIELD will go to cover up their secrets." The devious sparkle in Garrett's eyes was apparent. "Imagine what poor loyal Fitz would do if he knew.. I didn't have the heart to tell the kid, but maybe I'll have a change my mind in the future!"

Ward clenched his fist. Fitz wouldn't take it well. And he knew better than anyone, that if Garrett had somehow removed that memory from Fitz once again, he sure as hell had a plan to hold it over Coulson's head for leverage. But in that moment, Ward realized that his allegiance to Garrett was the right one. If SHIELD could do that to one of their own, then they weren't the good guys.

"Let's move on Ward, you'll want to see what else I got the engineer to build. It's funny how you can make people do things..." Garrett ushered Ward further underground. The pair walked down a long and narrow stairwell before they reached a dead end. There wasn't anything in sight. All Ward could see were brick walls. Garrett moved Ward aside, pushing a brick gently, revealing a secret door guarded by two soldiers.

Screams echoed through the stairwell as the door opened.

The room was dark, wet, and cold. In the middle was a gurney, a man strapped down, while a guard injected him with a serum before probing him with electric shocks. There was a screeching piercing sound that was barely audible ringing in Ward's ear. Behind that, were men, geared in tactical armour lined up in a row.

With a slight motion of his hand, Garrett ordered two of the men to move forward.

"Now this is where Agent Fitz and I had lots of fun." Garrett smiled smugly. Garrett took out a small transceiver, handing it to Ward. "Your boy built this himself, go on turn it on." Ward cautiously flipped the switch but nothing happened.

Garrett walked up to one of the soldiers. "Agent Sanders... isn't it? Tell me, what's your code?"

"42 megahertz, sir."

Garrett shot Ward a look, encouraging him to switch the device to transmit at that particular frequency. "Now Ward, speak into the transmitter and tell him to kill Agent Boyd over here..." Garrett stood behind the other agent, hands on his shoulder, as he looked at Ward with conviction.

Ward nodded obediently. _Hurt him. Kill him. He doesn't deserve to live._

Before he knew it the two agents were fighting aggressively. It was a full on fight. Agent Sanders lunged for the man's neck. He grabbed his head, and pinned him down to the ground. With both hands, Agent Sanders twisted Agent Boyd's head and snapped his neck in an instant, leaving the man dead on the floor.

Resounding claps and a loud belly laugh resonated across the room. Leaning against the wall, looking down at the two bloodied men, was Garrett, laughing uncontrollably while he clapped on.

"You see, what we got Fitz to do here was rebuild the memory overwriting machine, only better. We needed something smaller, so Fitz, with a little encouragement from me, figured out a way to get a person to react to certain frequencies." Garrett walked Ward down the line of men standing still against the two sides of the wall. "We didn't need Fitz for the conditioning bit, we just used his device to induce hallucinations into our subjects." He moved to the solider strapped down to the gurney. "They hear whispers. As if it's their own thoughts. And the pain-" Garrett picked up the electrical taser shoving it deeply agains the side of the restrained solider. "The pain motivates them to take action." Garrett shrugged, whilst still looking conceited, " While not directly mind control, these induced hallucinations can trigger behaviours beyond their conscious control." He tapped profusely on the head of one of the soldiers. "There's a chip, a tiny undetectable one that's attached to his thalamus. That's the part that controls dreams."

Garrett started chuckling again. "Do you see what we can do here son? We can suggest thoughts, control people." he clasped his hands excitedly. "I like to think of it as a new thought-controlled weapons system." he looked at Ward with a malicious grin and deep piercing eyes.

"Welcome to Project Cerebus, son".

Suddenly it dawned on Ward. _Garrett had someone on the inside. Someone he could control whenever he wanted to. A smoking gun. And Garrett had his finger on the trigger._

 _Returning Fitz was always part of the plan._

 _Garrett still had Fitz._

* * *

 **Aaaaand the plot thickens.**

I've been trying to subtlety hint to this in previous chapters so if you caught on, good job! To be fair, Fitz's strange actions/odd behaviour was also partially due to PTSD and his drug addiction.

Now that you know Garrett has been planting thoughts in his mind, just think about how messed up Fitz currently is. Tortured, shot, drugs, withdrawal, all coupled with that voice inside your head chipping away at your insecurities.

Things are about to go crazy soon. Hope you enjoyed this "look it's not Fitz suffering again!" chapter.

Review / PM me please! Let me know if you enjoyed this twist :)


	13. Chapter 13

The hours came and went by until Skye shook Jemma awake.

"What? What is it?"

She rubbed her puffy eyes as the room came into focus. She had fallen asleep by accident. She was watching Fitz... _Oh god. Fitz._ It must have been just a few seconds. A few seconds that she had wearily closed her eyes to rest, to stop the tears from pouring out.. and somehow she had fallen asleep. Jemma stifled a yawn. As much as she wanted to be by his side every second, she knew that her body needed that well-deserved rest. She was more exhausted than she realized. All that crying, worrying, and sudden highs and lows had drained her. It had been a long brutal 72 hours since Fitz went cold turkey.

She couldn't help but feel guilty. She should have known. Seen the signs. It was just like Fitz to try and do something stupid like that. To try and solve a problem, without getting her involved just because he didn't want her to worry. Didn't he know by now that they worked better together? Fitz must have known the repercussions of suddenly withdrawing from the opioids. Was their relationship really so damaged that he couldn't bring himself to tell her or ask for her help? Jemma gasped as she felt that familiar pain creep back up her chest. It was suffocating, feeling helpless like that. It was a feeling she had to get used to. After trauma like that, Fitz's recovery would be nothing but long and slow.

Skye's hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality.

"How long have I been out for?" Jemma asked, the worry evident in her voice.

Skye smiled. It was like Jemma to put others before herself. "Don't worry. I've been watching him," she responded softly, handing a warm cup of tea to Jemma, "anyways look, I think the worst of the storm has passed. I thought you'd want to see his progress."

Jemma pulled down her hood and looked at the tablet in front of her. Her fingers stroked the face that appeared on the screen. He was handsome, quiet, and pasty, but so incredibly smart when she first met him. It was quite a strange feeling, meeting someone for the first time, and knowing that your life would change forever because of that person. How did things change so quickly?

Jemma knew that she was the type of girl that fell easily. She fell hard and fast. She fell for the guys that showed an interest in her and the guys who fell for her. She fell for the guys that didn't recognize her true intelligence, and the guys that did but manipulated her for it. She fell for the bad boys, the fit ones, the jocks, but they all couldn't keep her interested. And it wasn't until her heart was bruised from all the falling she had done did she realize that she had fallen for the one boy that truly cared for her, the boy that could read her mind, finish her sentences, and make her laugh. She fell for the quiet pasty boy that was her best friend. The boy that had been by her side the whole damn time.

The worst part was that she didn't even realize how much she loved him, let alone needed him until he was ripped away from her.

There was still so much left unsaid that needed to be said. She swallowed down her urge to cry as she looked at the boy she barely recognized. He was pale. Frail. Huddled in a corner with his knees tucked away tightly against his chest. She couldn't tell for certain on the screen, but it looked like he had been crying. Jemma felt her chest tighten as she looked at her best friend. She knew deep down that she loved Fitz, but she never had quite the chance to figure out a way to properly articulate her feelings to him. And now... the timing was all wrong. He was a shell of the man he used to be. Each past hour had brought on a new horror. She was trapped in a vicious cycle that always ended with Fitz getting hurt. His screams for her echoed in her ears, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't wipe away that image of him swaying in and out of consciousness, his body only giving up after the convulsions and retching had ripped away all he had to offer. It was torture seeing him suffer.

The good news was that Fitz had made it through the physical withdrawal. She tried to take comfort in the fact that his body wouldn't have to go through that torment again. She would make sure of that.

"Jemma?" Skye called out. Skye recognized the look on Jemma's face. Jemma was never good at hiding her emotions and she could tell that the usually chirpy girl was struggling. The last few days had taken too much of a toll on the poor girl. It wasn't fair at all. How did two people that were meant to be with each other get torn apart so many times?

"Hey, he's going to be fine now. Jemma, it's going to be alright." she murmured, pulling Jemma into a comforting hug. If anything, she said that to convince herself that things would get better. It felt so wrong seeing her two friends so far apart and broken, despite being in the same physical location.

Skye expected Jemma to break down in her arms, but instead Jemma stilled, letting out a soft squeak before pulling her body away as her hands fell limply against her side. As far as Jemma was concerned, Skye didn't get it. The worst wasn't over. The mental aspect of withdrawal, that was the terrifying part. As much she wanted Skye's words to be true, she couldn't bring herself to believe it.

Because Fitz was there, in pain, in shock, his mind a mess. Everything he once valued; his brain, his hands, his innocence, his spirit... It was all stripped away from him. _It wasn't alright. Nothing was going to be the same again._

And Jemma knew what was coming. _Guilt. Remorse. Anger. Temptation._ It would all go hitting Fitz at once. She was a doctor. She knew the dangers of drug abuse, heck she knew every little bit down to the biological and chemical effects opioids had on a person. But in that moment, she was afraid. The emotional anguish, she wasn't sure if she had it in her to carry him through it. The thought of Fitz in pain was unbearable. It crippled her.

Skye grabbed Jemma's hand and give it a tight squeeze, "We're not going to give up on him, okay?"

Jemma let a single tear drop down her face before Skye quickly reached out to wipe it away. "You can do this. You're here. He's here. We're safe now. We're going to fix this ok?"

 _We're going to fix this. Together._ _Just like we always do._ The memory of his voice replayed in her head. She missed him so much.

"He needs you, Jemma. You should go in."

Jemma let herself be pulled towards the vault, her trembling hand still clasped in Skye's. Fear flooded Jemma as they stood outside the vault. With a gentle nudge forward, she was suddenly alone in the room with those blue eyes that once felt like home.

They stared at each other for what seemed like eternity.

Fitz was frozen in position, frantically trying to stifle his sobs as she stood there silently watching him.

Jemma opened her mouth, but no words came out. All she could think about was their last good moment together, in the hospital when he kissed her and how things had taken such a cruel turn.

He broke the silence first. "Jemma- don't" his voice hoarse and lips clenched tightly in an attempt to stop any emotions from seeping through. But she knows him so well that it's clear to her that he's shaken. That he's in a kind of pain that no words can describe. Her heart breaks. In all the years she had known Fitz, she had never seen him so defeated. He looked haunted; his eyes were red, glistening. There was no mistake that tears were starting to form in his eyes.

It's a mix of instinct and habit that drives her to lower herself next to him and grab his hand but he flinches and denies her touch. She's like poison to him. And it kills her to see him pull away like that.

"Stop. I- I don't want you to see me like this." His face crumbled as he struggled to get the next few words out. "I should be alone. You shouldn't be here. It.. it's not safe." He's hurting, his eyes screwed shut, as though it would hide the pain on his face and she can feel something inside of her fall apart as well. He pushes her away and her tears escape her, streams of sorrow flowing down her face.

"How can you say that Fitz." The pain that sets in is shattering. She's angry. Fitz looks up, and opens his mouth to speak but Jemma cuts his off.

"Just because you're suffering right now doesn't mean you're the only one."

Her voice breaks, and it takes all of his energy not to break down in front of her. Just hearing her voice is enough to summon the tears he's worked so hard to keep at bay. He's drowning, with tears, with emotions and guilt. It's all too overwhelming and too much that he doesn't know if he should fight or surrender. He wants her so badly, to take away everything that he's done and that has happened but he doesn't want to risk hurting her at the same time. He's put her through so much. Her pain, it's all because of him. It was always life or death for him. He would do anything for her. Die. Suffer. Life didn't matter without her. But now, it was like he was the one hurting her. He made stupid decisions, and here she was suffering the consequences because of him. Maybe she was better off without him.

Jemma burrowed her head into his chest pulling him as close to her as possible. "Please Fitz. Don't push me away" she whispered, "I need you."

"Jemma," he pleaded. "I-I can't. I'm sorry." Pools of tears formed at his eyes, and his chest trembled with silent sobs "You deserve so much more, Jemma."

Now she's crying uncontrollably, hurt written all over her face. She shook her head in protest and yelled back, "Don't you dare say that, Leo!"

And that breaks him. Fitz loses it. He throws everything in sight onto the ground until he's surrounded in ruins. There's screaming, yelling, curses, and Fitz finally lets it all out. He doesn't think Simmons needs him. He's no good for her. After everything that has happened, he can't do it anymore. He can't bring himself to be such a burden on her. He'll let himself die on the inside, if it means she can move on and be happy.

And when Jemma reaches for him, kneeling by his side, as he retracts back into the tiny fragile ball that he's gotten so used to, she realizes what made him stop. He's hyperventilating and there on the floor, is her rose necklace, broken. It must have fallen right when he pushed her away from him.

The sight of that necklace is all it takes for Fitz to collapse and break down entirely. It's a horrible reminder of what he's done. He's broken something precious. He loses a bit of himself every second that he's not with her.

He's sobbing, his body shaking as Jemma curled beside him, arms wrapped around his body as she rocked him. Fitz needed her, he had always needed her, but that need now ran deeper than ever before, it was in his veins and filled every molecule in his body.

He felt her kiss the side of his head, his forehead, and then his cheeks. He ignored the impulse crackling through every nerve in his system as he stopped her.

"Jem-" he began softly but was immediately interrupted.

"You're all I ever wanted, Fitz." He doesn't want to believe the words that come out of her month. He doesn't know what to do with that information. He's stuck, afraid of hurting her, failing her, and yet every part of his soul wants to be with her. The emotions eat at his heart, and once again, he feels like he's drowning, just that this time, he's clinging on tightly to Jemma like she was his only life line.

He tries to break free, but Jemma clutches at his shirt, refusing to let him go. "All I do-" he whispers, "is bring you pain"

"No no no Fitz," Jemma shakes her head, with a look of determination in her eyes. Her expression softens, "You're so much more. I never want to be without you."

Jemma cradled him tightly, and cried. She's fallen in love and he's fallen apart. She turned to give him a watery smile. It was a horrible kind of pain, smiling, just to stop the tears from falling.

They're cursed. That's was all she could think about. They were cursed.


	14. All I Ever Wanted

_You're all I ever wanted Fitz._

Her words stung. He didn't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't that. He couldn't understand why she had to be so damn willing. Willing to step in front of a bomb for him, to jump out of a plane, to risk her life, her heart, time and time again for him. He didn't deserve any of it. He didn't deserve _her_. It would have been so much easier if she had just left like before and left him alone. For once. For good.

It was all too much. The thrumming beat of her heart against his chest. The soft shudders, and hicks with every draw of her breath.. Her fingers softly stroking his back. _She_ wanted him, and he couldn't have that. He couldn't do this all over again and break her heart.

"Don't do this -" he whispered.

He barely had time to register her flinch before she blurted out those three words.

"I love you Fitz."

It was like he had just pushed that final button. Fitz had never been an outwardly emotional guy but Jemma – she had brought down all his walls. He was balancing at the edge of the cliff, and it felt like no matter what he did, he would fall. He just didn't want to drag her down with him. But as always, Jemma Simmons understood him.

She held him as he began to shake apart in her arms. He couldn't - He didn't know what to do with that information.

"Don't, Jemma," His eyes flickered to hers, his pain reflected in her eyes.

He hated how he crumbled under her touch. He hated how much he needed her. He wanted to scream, to punch a wall, to force the air out of his lungs. She was like a drug. A drug he needed to get out of his system, but flushing her out - it would kill him. What he was feeling – it was overwhelming him to his very core and he needed it to stop. To let it all go. To let _her_ go. But he needed her. Every single cell in his body needed her.

He was like a parasite, taking her very essence of life and giving her nothing in return. He was doing this to her. His existence tormented her. She looked exhausted, her dark-ringed eyes showing that she had barely slept. Jemma had always been slender but this was an all time low. What bloody good was love if all it bred was misery? He would do anything, _**anything**_ , to take it all away. To start over again. He would have never laid eyes on Jemma Simmons if he had known he would have been the source of so much pain.

His voice shook quietly, "Don't. You don't love me, Jemma. You can't. I don't – You just can't. Just stop -"

"Stop what Fitz?! Loving you? Needing you? Trying to help you? You're my best friend in the world! What do you expect me to do?!" She asked, exasperated at his attempt to push her away once again.

"Stop. Just stop trying to do all the right things. It's too much!"

He stood up from her, breathing roughly, as he tried to prevent another meltdown. The pain in his heart was so great that he felt like the littlest thing would make him explode. He was paralyzed – with anger, with sorrow, with guilt and regret. He's mad. Not at her, but at himself. Mad at the universe.

"Get angry! Hate _me_! I'm damaged for god's sake. Stop trying to save me!"

She looked at him, her gaze, never once breaking with his, as she stepped forward to close the gap between them. Her eyes dropped down to his lips, and she moved quickly to press her mouth against his, hard. It wasn't gentle. It was filled with need, the desperate need to show him just how much she loved him, and why she would never give up on him. She pushed him against the wall, arms around his waist as she kissed him. It was years of passion and love packed into one rushed kiss. He needed to know. He needed to know why. He needed to know that he was loved, that he deserved love.

Her eyes glistened with tears as she pulled back.

"I love you, Fitz," she said in between breaths.

It was like she was staring into his soul, waiting for him to respond. He stilled for a moment long enough to make her anxious, and then he moved in slowly towards her, hands around her face, as he fell back into her embrace and brought her in for another kiss. He could no longer fight the rapidly growing agony and need for her inside anymore. He wanted her. He needed her. Her love. He would do anything for her.

The kiss this time was much softer. It was intentional, controlled, at least to begin with until he lost himself in her. He wanted this, the feel of her lips on his, the touch of her fingers, her body wrapped around his – there's no denying that he loves her.

"I love you." he whispered as he broke the kiss and pressed his forehead against her. For a second, his face is full of hope but Jemma sees it quickly fade into one full of pain and despair.

She knows he wants this, but she can tell from the broken expression on his face, that he's scared. That he doesn't want to hurt her. But she's strong. She can do this. She can help him. They can grow old together, and settle down in that cottage in Perthshire, talk about science over cups of tea and just... be in love.

Her hand slipped into his, and she held on tightly to the man she loved.

 _You're all I ever wanted Fitz._

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Be still my Fitzsimmons heart.

Short chapter and I know it's kind of similar to the last but I wanted to include the scene from the episode 3x08! It was too amazing to leave out. I promise the story will move along in the next chapter.

I'd love to know what you think so far in anycase! Leave a review, write a comment, send me a message... I'm always happy to chat :) And also, thanks for following me on this journey. It's been a long-ish story, so I really appreciate all of you that have been sticking around! You guys are awesome.


	15. Chapter 15

New year, new chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

 _Fitz paced around the lab, taking panicked breaths as his eyes scanned the room wildly around him. He looked down at his shaking hands, dropping the screwdriver he was just gripping._

 _It's quiet. Too quiet._

 _He doesn't hear her voice, her footsteps, the occasional sound of test tubes spinning in the centrifuge, or her usual laughter. She should have been here by now._

 _He takes a large shuddering breath as the oxygen escapes him. He can't breathe. He can't breathe without her, he thinks, as he falls onto his knees._

 _Jemma. He needs to find Jemma. He needs to find where they've taken her._

* * *

"Think they're doing alright?" Bobbi asked quietly as Hunter stared at the duo in the lab, mouth open, a frown on his face.

Dark, puffy circles haunted the bottom of the engineer's eyes. Fitz looked healthy for the most part, but his dependence on Simmons had started to become a concern for the rest of the team. They'd initially tried to keep a healthy distance between the two of them. Not necessarily to keep them apart, but to "provide opportunity for Fitz to reconnect and rebuild relationships with others" as Dr. Garner suggested.

That only lasted until they tried to get Simmons to go into the field, without telling Fitz.

* * *

" _Where is she?!" he yelled. His voice cutting through the silence of the almost empty hanger. Two agents rushed forward to restrain him, preventing him from getting into the plane. They tried to hold him still and explain to him that it was dangerous to run out, but he's too hysterical. Anger pulsed through him like blood in his veins and he retaliates, forcefully thrusting the top of his head into one of the agents. He draws blood, hitting the agent hard enough for their grip on him to loosen._

 _He doesn't care for Coulson's orders to stop or to calm down. He's just focused on getting Jemma back. Safe. With him._

" _YOU!" he screamed, rushing forward, hands curled up in a fist._

 _Coulson remained calm, as if he was half-expecting this, putting his hands out trying to keep the angry engineer at bay. "Fitz, you need to calm down and listen-"_

 _Fitz raised one hand in a motion to draw a punch._

" _Fitz, stop!" Jemma screamed, running out, nervously wedging herself between the two men._

 _In that moment, all he could feel was rage. Betrayal. They took Jemma from him._ _ **He**_ _took Jemma from him._

 _Fitz shakes his head at her. "I'm not going to let him take you away from me!"_

 _She straightens up, and reaches forward to grab his hands, desperately trying to get him to stop. Her voice lowers to a gentle whisper._

" _I'll only be gone for a while. Agent Coulson will keep me safe. Fitz, I'm going to be fine."_

 _No. She wasn't safe with him._

 _His mind was fuzzy, the voices in his head growing louder._

 _Coulson's going to get her hurt. He didn't tell you he was taking her._

" _Fitz? I have to go to help._ "

 _This was a routine mission. She would be safe, they would keep her safe. Right?_

 _No they wouldn't. They let you suffer didn't they?_

" _Fitz?" Jemma asked, worried._

 _She could see the fear and anger in his eyes, and quickly wrapped her arms around him to try and bring him back to a more rational and calmed state. Fitz sucked in a sharp breath as he fell into her embrace._

 _Jemma. This was Jemma._

 _Fitz blinked and for several seconds, just stared at her with a blank expression before his body went slack._

" _I- They didn't- he didn't tell me. He didn't tell me you were going out into the field."_

 _Jemma smiled gently, her voice soft as she rubbed his back with her hands, "It was time sensitive, we had to go right away, I'm sure Coulson meant to tell you"_

 _No he didn't. He tried to hide it. Intentionally._

 _Fitz held Jemma protectively in his arms as he gave Coulson a dispassionate glare._

" _Come back to me, please." he whispered to her, "I need you."_

 _Jemma buried her face into against his neck, "I promise" giving him a smile and a reassuring nod._

No one tried to separate the two after that.

* * *

"Did you see them Bob?" Hunter signalled towards the lab.

It had been 442 hours since everything had gone to shit. Under strict orders, Bobbi and Hunter had been sent out on a mission to pick up the broken pieces and aid the remaining SHIELD facilities in securing and transporting all key personnel and equipment to safe houses.

Bobbi's question was a tough one. Fitzsimmons looked fine, on the surface. Fitz was doing well, he was eating, he was working, he looked... happy. Mostly only when he was around her. But Hunter couldn't help but feel like it was a facade. That there was still something _off_ about his friend.

Hunter sighed. He was sore, tired and miserable after weeks of having to deal with red tape and bureaucratic nonsense. "You know exactly how I feel about what went down Bob."

Hunter was never good at hiding or controlling his emotions. He was a wild card. Brash, impulsive, but loyal, especially to his friends. Bobbi and Hunter had returned to the base a few days ago to see the mess that was Fitzsimmons. They had been given updates through their comms, but never did they expect to see the once cheerful and fresh faced scientists to be so beaten down. Upon return, Hunter had immediately tried to reconnect with his old friend but had to learn painfully, that the Fitz he knew was no longer present. Hunter would sometimes catch his eyes in the midst of a witty statement, only to realize that there was nothing looking back. Fitz had shut himself off completely, and wholeheartedly from the entire team, except Jemma. It annoyed the hell out of him. The two of them had grown close during the time he was with SHIELD. Fitz was like a brother to him. And now, he was like a stranger.

"Fitz should have come first, Bobbi. We should have never listened to Coulson," Hunter took a deep breath, "Look, I know how important SHIELD is to you, but Fitz - he's family. We should have put all resources towards finding him." Hunter was furious. "Bloody hell, this entire mission we were on was bull, and you know it."

Bobbi met his eyes carefully, not wanting to give him the ammunition he needed to lose his temperature and go running off spouting his mouth to others. "We had a job to do, Hunter. You know that."

"Yea, like bloody saving John, Pete, Mary and whatever else they're called... when we should have been saving our own friend!" Hunter punched the lockers, creating a racket that Bobbi wanted to stop right away. The entire team was on edge. They didn't need more drama. Hunter, she could deal with.

Hunter shouted in pain, hand throbbing, as he hit the metal frame once again.

Bobbi dropped her hands to his side, as she brought him in for a rare hug. Hunter opened his mouth to retaliate, but was quickly stopped by Bobbi's fingers.

"We're going to help him, Hunter," Bobbi assured, looking into his eyes, trying to calm him down from his rage. "You're going to drink him senseless like you always do, talk about girls and soon enough, he'll be laughing at all your horrible jokes."

Hunter didn't respond right away, but didn't pull away either. Bobbi reached for his hands, and slowly examined them, looking for any cuts he may have inflicted on himself.

"Yea, well, you're paying for all the beer." Hunter said, as he looked up at her eyes. A small smirk appeared on his face, "And don't forget all the sex that I'm going to need to make me feel better about this entire thing" his hands waving in the air.

Bobbi laughed. Only Hunter would have the guts to say something like that.

At least now they were back. She was certain both Fitz and Simmons could use a friend. Now, it was just a matter getting Fitz to open back up.

* * *

The good news was that Fitz, was really getting better in some aspects.

It was a turning point when he started coming out of his room and being amicable to others.

While he was no longer lashing out at the team, it seemed like the situation had reversed. Fitz, had instead, withdrawn. He had thrown himself back into his work, working non stop until he would pass out on his desk in the lab.

But at least he had Simmons. She would be by his side, encouraging him, and they would laugh together like old times. Finish each other's sentences. They even created new gadgets. They were back to working well together.

It was his coping mechanism. He needed to work, to keep moving, anything to stop his mind from opening up. He needed to keep busy, because if he stopped, if he had the time to relax, it would hit him. It would all come crashing down on him. His guilt. The remorse. How he hurt Jemma.

He tried to push it to very back of his mind. So he kept working. If Coulson didn't have any projects for him, he would draw up schematics for new inventions. He needed to tinker, to create, he needed stronger, better weapons to protect himself and Jemma. He needed her safe. He needed her.

His entire world revolved around Jemma Simmons.

No one else had managed to break through his newly formed barriers. He wasn't explosive by any means. He would speak and interact with the others but he did it in such a calm, passive way that it was unnerving. Talking to Fitz without Simmons, was like talking to a lost puppy that only had one thing on his mind. How to get home. You could see it in his eyes, the fear, the signs of him unravelling without her. He couldn't be separated from her.

"Fitz?" Jemma called out.

"Coulson needs us all in the meeting room"

Fitz dropped what he was working on, and grabbed her hand instinctively as she guided him out of the lab. The two were inseparable these days.

Everyone was gathered in the meeting room, as a large screen projected towards the front. He didn't like crowds, he just wanted to be alone. With Jemma. His grip on her tightened as he heard their names being called.

"Fitzsimmons, glad you could join us" Coulson nodded at the pair as they entered.

 _Him._

Coulson continued with the briefing, "Thanks to Hunter and Agent Morse, we've got some intel on what HYDRA's been up to. We've taken some pretty big hits, but we can fight back now. In a smart way. In ways they won't expect now that we know what kind of weapons they have. We can be prepared now."

The screen flicked to 3D holograms of several weapons. There was a small egg shaped item with an infinitely small chamber in the center, but there was something solid in there as well, a huge mass perhaps. Gravitational singularity. It had to be, Jemma thought. And then there was a small circular brooch like ornament. It had several injection points, as if it was meant to latch on to something - someone. Small currents ran through the brooch, pulsating through the tiny needle like legs around the edges. It had to be a device to stop or short circuit something. Electrical impulses could interfere with a whole variety of things; electronics, the human heart, planes...

Jemma gasped as it dawned on her. She could figure out what these were so quickly because she recognized them.

She could hear the subtle echo of Coulson's voice in the background, "Fitzsimmons, I need the two of you to work out what these are, and how we can counter them."

Fitz looked at her, eyes worried as she stared at him, lowering her voice to a whisper only he could hear. He was confused. She was scared.

"I've seen these before, Fitz." she whispered. There was fear in her eyes as she let go of his hand. "They're your designs."

 _No._

He started backing away from her. His head spinning. "I can't - no. That's not possible."

She had definitely seen them before, years ago at the academy. Fitz was always brilliant, it was one of the very reasons she was so drawn to him. He was capable of so much. He was the only one that she found interesting.

She had flipped open his notebook by mistake once, thinking it was hers. And what she saw inside amazed her. There were a good handful of designs, fully sketched out, and they looked.. beautiful.

It wasn't until he explained them to her, did she freak out. A black hole grenade, a heart stopper, a particle rifle.. weapons that could really hurt people.

 _"Fitz, you can't create these! Can you imagine how dangerous these would be in the wrong hands?" she yelled._

 _"No one's going to want my stupid designs, Simmons! You weren't suppose to see them! I was just... doodling." Fitz muttered, embarrassed at his work._

 _Jemma sighed. Fitz was sometimes really clueless about his own brilliance._

 _"Look, it was just for some stupid extra credits. Professor Arnim said if we submitted some designs, he would pick the best few and give those students a break from the final exam. You've heard about how hard his exams are!"_

 _"Well, did you win?" she asked, curious._

 _"No, some 3rd year called Nathaniel made a I quote -ingenius genetic engineering vessel that-"_

 _Jemma laughed. "Leo Fitz! Professor Arnim does not sound like that."_

 _"He does too! He's scary!"_

 _Fitz often went under the radar. He was pasty, quiet, timid, and often went unnoticed, aside from his intelligence. All he needed was a bit more self-confidence. Just like her, he had skipped a couple of grades and were doing classes far more advanced than an regular 16 year old would do. They were the youngest ever at the Academy._

 _"Fitz?" Jemma whispered softly._

 _"Promise me you won't build weapons of destruction like these." She looked at him with her signature puppy dog eyes. "You're brilliant. I hope you know that. And some people might want to take advantage of that."_

 _He nervously scratched the back of his head, as he began to blush. Sure, he knew he was smart, but those words coming from Jemma Simmons? She was incredible, **she** was a genius._

 _"We're suppose to help people. Not create the potential for more harm. Non-lethal remember?"_

 _Did she think he was a horrible person now? Crap. Way to go Leo Fitz._

 _"Yea, no no of course." he blurted out. "I didn't mean to- It was just for extra credits Simmons."_

 _He let out a foolish grin, as he nudged her on the side "besides, you really think someone like me, who can't even stand the smell of all your weird little experiments in the lab could do much harm?"_

 _Jemma shook her head, "Oh no! Not the cat again!"_

 _"You left the liver next to my lunch!"_

 _The two dissolved into laughter as a tickle fight ensued._

 _"Partners, forever. Right Fitz?" she asked warmly, as she leaned her head against his shoulder._

 _He grabbed the hand she had placed on his leg, "Always." His smile turning into a cheeky grin, "besides, who else is going to prevent me from straying to theee dark side, oh you young padawan?"_

 _"NOT FUNNY!" Jemma smacked him across his leg._

 _"Ouch! Alright! Just - just try to keep your hands off me will ya?" He laughed as she gave him a disapproving look._

Her train of thought broke as she heard Bobbi call out her name.

"Jemma? What's wrong with him?"

Everyone turned to look at the increasingly panicked Fitz, as he started pushing his way through the crowd.

"I have to go. I- I have to get out of here." he mumbled.

"Agent Fitz? Where are you going? I'm not done here." Coulson asked, his voice stern.

Jemma quickly interjected. "He just needs some fresh air. It's stuffy- you know?" she lied, running after him.

"We'll look at those schematics, I promise!" she yelled back at Coulson, as she chased Fitz down the hall way.

She could see him grip his head at the far end, his footsteps chaotic, as he started to crumble. He didn't know what was going on.

 _Those weren't his designs. He had never seen those things before. Right?_

Tears began to form in his eyes. His hands shaking as he pointed to the meeting room.

"They can't be mine Jemma. I would never do something like that - you know me. I don't- I don't remember them. It can't be."

He paces around in a haphazardly manner. "I've never seen those before."

"No. No nononono." he shakes his head.

Jemma grabs his hand and forces him to look her in the eye. He's lost. There's a look of despair in his eyes.

 _What the hell did HYDRA do to Fitz?_

* * *

Say hello to Bobbi and Hunter! I also made tiny references to other Marvel characters/weapons if you picked up on that :p I know this chapter jumped around a little bit so I hope it wasn't too confusing.

And I hope this qualifies as moving the story (plot) forward! I really tried!

Review and let me know what you think :)


	16. The Only Option

**Author's note:** It's been a long time since I updated this story. If you've stuck around this entire time.. thank you :) I'm admittedly not a great writer, so I've been struggling a lot with putting out something decent. I've been rereading chapters from this story and have been really disappointed with my own writing. And I feel you, when you say that it's a little confusing with the timeline. I wish I knew how to save this story, but the honest truth is, I don't know how to fix it! I get all these crazy little ideas in my head, and instead of mapping it out like a normal sensible person would.. I just write it and post it which results in a disjointed story without a proper flow :( I'm too quick to pull the trigger!

* * *

The lab is silent save for a few shuffling feet and a soft gentle hum of machinery. It's early, just past 6:00am in the morning. It's a newly formed routine for the two of them, to be in the lab at the crack of drawn. She's not concerned about the few weary souls that are in the lab with them when she pulls him aside to a partially hidden corner. Her first thought is that she needs to knock some sense into him. It's been too long since they last spoke. And she knows, from her years with him at the Academy and Sci-Ops, that the longer they avoid talking about it, the harder it'll be to end the war in his head.

"It's too dangerous, Fitz." she says firmly. She can feel his eyes burning into hers and a few curious eyes shift towards them as she starts her argument. He murmurs something, but she interrupts him, in fear of what he might say. "You can't possibly think that's the only option." She can feel her throat tighten at the thought of Fitz going through the procedure. It's ridiculous, she thinks. That he would even be considering it after everything he went through. "Please tell me, we can fix this another way." she begs, swallowing down her fear that he's going to do something stupid.

Her guts twists uncomfortably as he opens his mouth to speak. She can tell he's having an internal debate in his mind. His head shakes the tiniest bit, a tell-tale sign that he's getting frustrated, one that she has learned to spot over the years. "Tell me, you didn't think about it." he insists. "You of all people, should know that there isn't another way to do this."

"I'm not letting you do this, Fitz" she says fiercely, grabbing his hands with hers. She glares at him with glassy eyes, trying her best to convince him. Did he not see how this was affecting her? She couldn't – wouldn't let him be ripped away from her again.

He swallows thickly, his voice trembling as he struggles to get the words out of his mouth, "how else do you propose we get these memories out Jemma?"

A memory from 10 years ago. Stolen. Removed. Hidden. If he couldn't remember the details of the event Jemma described, what else was he not remembering? _"They're your designs, Fitz."_ Her words echoed in his head. Everything was hazy, and he could feel himself spiral down a world of confusion. It got him doubting everything – the Academy, Sci-Ops, the Bus... those were his memories right? _Who the hell was Leo Fitz?_ Did he really know the answer to that question anymore?

"Fitz please..." Jemma trials off, but it's enough to break him out of his trance. She's not sure where she wants to go with that sentence, seeing that everything she's said to him so far hasn't changed anything. She wants him to let it go. To just forget about SHIELD, and Hydra, and all that drama for a moment, so that they can be together. She selfishly wants all that, but she has no idea how to talk him out of being the damn hero every time.

"What, Jemma?" he snaps, shaking his head at her. "Hydra did something to me – I know it, _you_ know it. We can't just sit here and pretend, that there isn't something in my head that can help the team."

For over 2 weeks, Fitz and Simmons had been tasked with understanding the machine the team had confiscated from the Centipede Project. They knew for certain that it induced theta-brain wave frequencies, and that it affected the part of the mind that straddled the conscious and unconscious. Theoretically speaking, it could potentially trigger latent or buried memories and feelings, but they had yet to dive deeper into how a person would respond mentally and physically to it. It was fascinating – a machine so powerful yet unknown. It was the perfect science project, the unique blend of biochemistry and engineering, that piqued both their interest, and had them working hand in hand to understand its full power. That was, until Fitz let slip what he had intended to do with the machine once he got it working.

"Brains don't delete files, Jemma" he sighs, "You know that." Tears burn at Jemma's eyes. He leans back onto the cabinet that's providing them the tiniest bit of privacy and covers his face with his hands. He would never have told her, if he knew how much pain it would bring her, but he needed her help. "Whatever's up here" he breathes, his hand reaching back to grip his head, "it's our only chance."

"Not if it's going to cost you your life, Fitz!" she half-sobs. "We've only been working on this for two weeks. We don't know even know -"

He scoffs but before either of them can continue, Bobbi interrupts.

"You guys want to tell me what's going here?" she asks, her voice laced with suspicion.

Unknown to the two scientist, Bobbi had been standing a few feet away, observing them the entire time.

It was clear as the light of day that both Jemma and Fitz were hiding something. Stolen glances, heated arguments, the refusal to look others in the eye when they were being questioned.. all the signs were there. Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons were terrible liars.

And while she understood the delicate situation at hand, Fitz dealing with PTSD and his reliance on Jemma as his rock, this was all getting outrageous. They were hiding something, and if no know one stepped in to help, it was only a matter of time before they would unravel.

"Jemma?" Bobbi asks.

Fitz was still in shock, his mouth open, and his mind blanking as Jemma quickly scrambled to put together a cover story.

"Um.. Fitz and I were..." Jemma shot a quick glance at Fitz, hoping he had come up with something that could distract Bobbi, but all she got was a blank face.

Jemma Simmons was never good at lying. Her voice would hike up a few keys higher, her face would get red, and she would get this adorable little mouse-like look that everyone on the team knew of but didn't the heart to tease her about. "Fitz and I were just talking about how much he's been improving!" she quickly blurted out, giving Fitz a nudge, hoping he would catch on "but you know Fitz, he never gives himself enough credit."

Fitz scratches the back of his head nervously, "Um yea, Jemma- she was just trying to convince me to get out of the lab a bit more"

These two were terrible liars.

Bobbi laughs. "You're sure?"

"Yes," they say in unison.

"You're both terrible liars. I don't know who you're trying to fool, but whatever's happening here," Bobbi pauses to ensure that she has their attention, "the two of you better figure it out soon." Bobbi holds her breath, not knowing how much to push.

"Well, maybe we just have things we want to -"

"Ok, stop. We can only coddle you guys for so long. We're just concerned, that's all" she lets out, frustrated at how much the two were hiding.

If Bobbi knew something was going on, it wouldn't be long before the rest of the team found out. They couldn't keep a secret that big for so long.. could they?

Jemma needed to do something quick to stop Fitz. To protect him from himself. And if that meant breaking her promise and telling Coulson everything, then it would be something she would have to live with.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** Ok thoughts?


End file.
